I always thought that my friendships are just skin deep. I get a call whenever they need someone to hang out with. I get a call whenever they're bored. I get an SMS whenever they want to "chill". I'm the kind of person to contact if you like to vent out your anger and I'm the kind of person to be with if you want to tell off someone. Somehow, my quick wit tends to shut people up.
I also like to think of myself as a very easy person to spend time with. I heard one of my friends telling her other friend that she should meet me because I'm a very friendly person. Til recently, I'm always present at parties. I'm there when you SMS me to go have a cup of coffee with you even at 11 pm. I'm not the quiet one in the group but I'm not the talker either. I provide my friends with comic reliefs. But technically, I don't want to go around giving advices. I'm the one that tells them what they wanted to hear. I'm useless with advice but they seem to think I ace at it. I don't know, maybe they're just so desperate they really need someone - even if that someone is me.
But just for the record, I'm not friendly. I'm a snob. I snub people and I can make them feel like this small just by staring them down - a look I've mastered over the years. I have a cold stare that turns things into ice (not literally, though) and a sharp tongue that turns people into mush. Yeah, I am a bitch and I have no idea why people still want to hang out with me.
I always thought that my tongue would get me into trouble. That someday, I will regret what will come out of it. That I will meet someone who would slam my face and call me on it.
I sometimes even think that my mean way of putting people down had somehow rubbed off on my ex and now I'm paying my dues. I'd like to think it has nothing to do with me but last night, it was confirmed. I've turned into a monster. I don't even know myself anymore. I can't hide from what I am. But the least I can do is to try not to pull everyone down with me...
"Fuck this, I'm outta here" at ym while speaking with him.
I can't even remember what the fight was about. It;s just that when I'm pissed iif, you wouldn't want to be in my line of vision because I can let you fall into pieces.
I'm sorry for what I said but I'm not sorry for anything else... Maybe we really are over. We both just don't want to accept it.
An ugly, ugly world...
Today, a story about child pornography had filled the news. I feel so sad on how the world has evolved. Why are people doing these? Why would a sick person be interested on child pornography? I just can't stomach the fact that paedophilas are very much in our society and the fact that no amount of security can be provided for kids. No matter how much you wanted to protect you child, it's just not safe anymore.
It makes me think if it's still worth to bring a child to this world when it's become so negative and ugly...
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