Another case of depression

I've been depressed these past few days. I didn't know what brought this on. I've been walking around the house in my pj's, unwashed hair and unmanicured nails. My cousin told me to get out of the house and take a shower because I've been polluting my room. I didn't smell that bad, they just didn't like to see me sad.

My mum was the only one who knew what's been bothering me. She told me to go to the church, and pray in the adoration chapel.

"What am I going to pray for?"

"Pray that God will give you peace of mind and the understanding why this happened..."

Wise woman. I swear, she saves me from embarassment. I would never admit to anyone how much I've been hurting. It's been too long, but it's still here. But mum always sees right through me. I never have to explain. Never have to deny. Never have to lie. She knows me too well.

So I went to the chapel and prayed. For the first time in the twenty one years that I've been on this earth, I cried while praying. I asked Him to help me through this.

To finally make me understand why we can't be together.

I told him how I can't do this all alone and that He's the only one I'm counting on.

I asked Him, to please, finally give me the peace of mind that I desperately need.

I admitted that I've already accepted that we can't be and that the only thing that I need is the understanding and the desire for me to just leave this part of my life and move on.

I've been praying for the past week. I'm not saying that my feeling is gone altogether, but I believe in the power of prayers. I've never been attached to God in all of my life. But I came to him because for me, this had been my darkest hour. I know I couldn't do it alone.. And I thank God that He's helping me heal myself little by little.

It's been too long. I've done everything I could think of to forget him, but he still lingers in my head. My last resort pulled through. And I'll be eternally grateful.

It's true what they say that He's just there waiting for you to grace Him with your attention. He never judges, He just listens.

I don't know what happened to me. I'm a much happier person now because of this discovery. I no longer heave a sigh because my chest aches so much that I couldn't breathe.

And for the first time, I now know why this happened to me. I truly believe that there is someone out there for me. Someone better.

I came out stronger with renewed faith. Maybe this is what I should learn from all these. Being single doesn't bother me anymore. It helped me realise that I should think of other things than obsessing over relationships. I came to realise that I shouldn't chase after it, it will come to me.

I feel better than I ever felt in months. I feel light and I'm happier now. I don't feel bitter nor angry. I lifted it all up to Him and He took all my boo boos away. No joke. Praying really helps.

It did wonders for me.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you... Thank you!!!