Sore all over

Get this in your head, working for twelve hours. On your feet.

My arms are sore. My back is sore. My neck is stiff.

Are you alright? Mum asked.

Yeah, I'll just die right here, I replied.

I haven't slept since Amber and I drove Bernie to the airport. I finished worked at 3Am and had to wake up at six-thirty for her.

Eighteen days of not hanging out with my best friend. That's torture. It's hard enough that she's leaving but being gone for eighteen days?

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Let's see how I can make use of my time while she's gone, shall we???

point 1: go back to the gym - man, i've been really slack this month. I think i've only been to the gym just once this month. no wonder i'm putting on the weight that i worked so hard to lose.

point 2: actually make time to see other friends. these past few months had been crazy. I've turned into this crazy party girl that i haven't had time to organise to catch up with my other girlfriends and friends from uni.

point 3: concentrate on uni. i need to organise my workload at uni just so i won't feel behind. i know it's hard to organise everything at the same time but multi-tasking is something i'm actually good at.

pont 4: work hard at my new job. it's been a while since i've been working so going back to my work mode would be a challenge. but i think i'm getting there. i wouldn't want to get fired or quit because getting into this hotel is one of the biggest achievements in my life.

point 5: decide, once and for all what i want to fucking do with my life. is it marketing or hotel management? i've been theading on safe waters for a year and a half now but i haven't decided what i'm majoring in. i'm twenty-one for crying out loud. i need to figure out if i want to be a marketing major and focus on advertising or just stick to hotel management and THEN work for their sales and marketing department which is a bit depressing, really.

point 6: finish reading at least one book. i've been reading a particular book - sacking the stork. it's about a corporate woman who got pregnant only to find out that the other part of the pregnancy got transferred overseas and would only support the kid financial-wise.

point 7: stay away from alcohol. i haven't drank a single drop of vodka since my encounter with the porcelain god two weeks ago. keep going, nikki. i've been sober for a long while now. i need to keep it that way.

point 8: finally admit to myself that johnson will be here for a long time. it's just a complete misunderstanding, he said. i don't know if i want to get back together. i'm still a little bit gray on that area. but i know he's not going anywhere. he's a bit insistent to getting back together and after a few setbacks with my ex-boyfriends it's a good change to be chased instead of the other way around.

point 9: stop eating chocolates. i've been feeding myself comfort food since we broke up and it's taking its toll on my weight and skin. i should stop it. i have marks all over my face and my back and arms cause i haven't been getting any sleep at all.

point 10: get someone to watch my food intake for me. since my face looks like a bunch of volcanoes just erupted, i assigned my mumto make me eat celery, oats, mandarins and only one serving of rice for a day.

point 11: stop listening to sad songs like "scars" from papa roach. it just makes me want to cy and curse at johnson for reminding me what it's like to hurt once again.

point 12: be happy again. i want to be single and be happy with what i do again. looking back on my previous archives, specifically during may and july when i had no guy problems, i looked happy in the photos as well as the way i wrote, i seemed to really enjoy myself back then. now all i can write about is him, mark, eco-guy. GUYS again. i'm sick of it.

point 13: organise my finances. one grand credit card debt and four hundred bucks in debt from my parents make me a very broke person. good thing money starts coming in on friday and next week on a weekly basis since i start my new job.

point 14: stop smoking. i gotta stop smoking. since i'm doing this whole chaning my lifestyle things, i might as well change the most important thing i need to get rid off- my nicotine fix. not only is it burning a hole on my pocket but also a hole in my lungs, so there.

i'd be happy if i get to do half of this. but i swear, i want to stick to this.