On Break-Ups

It's called a break up because it's broken. You have got to read it. It taught me how to understand the creatures that are called the male population.

Now anyone who experienced a break-up has to know the essentials. Angry music, Ice Cream, cigarettes, romantic comedy movies [to salt the wound even more] and a few days off.

I was reading a scenario in the book that cracked me up.

7-11 Night

A twenty-two year old hipster in low-slung jeans, layered tank top and flip flops, stands at the cash register unloading her goods. She lkays down a case if beer, two pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, a bag of Doritos, assorted candy bars and tabloid magazines with headlines about celebrity break ups.

Clerk: I need to see your ID.

The girl pulls it from her wallet and the clerk checks the D.O.B.

Girl: Can I also have two packs of marlboro Lights and some matches?

The Clerk reaches behind him and locates the cigarettes and matches and adds them to her pile. He scans the items.

Clerk: Must be some party you're having.

Girl: Oh, no.. this is just for me.

Clerk: Ahh.. so how long were you guys going out?

Girl: Six months

Clerk: In that case, why don't you get the ice cream quarts instead of the pints, the Marlboro unfiltereds, and then go lay down in the parking lot and I'll back over you with my van?

It was funny. I laughed out loud. I experienced the same thing. I had my share of self-pity. I missed my ego really bad when I lost it. I went to look everywhere. But I figured my ego's fall might have been cushioned by the balled up tissues in the bin.

Trust me, I've been dumped before.

But now, a friend is experiencing the same thing. She's wallowing. Asking me where she went wrong. How she didn't see it coming. How she feels that she gets her heart broken every time.

And that to her, it's the end of the world.

She asked me to come over with break-up food.

I told her the exact same thing I read in the book.

Why not buy a packet of unfiltered smokes, a slab of Smirnoff and a bottle of painkillers? Then when you're all doped up, I'll lay you on the driveway and I'll back over you with my car.

You're a smart-ass, Nikki, she snapped.

I felt bad. I always have the habit of making everything light. To just laugh it off and move on.

I moved on from my exes without any rebound mumbo jumbo. I did it all by myself. I promised myself I'll be strong and I did it. I should pass that along to my friends.

Don't get me wrong. I had my fair share of lack of dignity.

I drunk-dialled.

I wallowed. I begged them to come back and I'm not proud to say that one way or another, one of my exes would start a story about me with, "Well, there's this one time when Nikki begged me to come back.." or "One time this girl I was going out with called me on a Friday night asking if we were gona get back together.."

Ugh. Disgraceful.

I've learned a few things. He doesn't call because he doesn't want to talk.

He tells you to be friends but his actions tell you otherwise.

I also learned that he doesn't hide at the bottom of that pint of ice cream.


Ok, I've narrowed it down to two... three.. four.... I don't know

Since I had nothing to do. Surfing the internet for some cute guys seemed to be the best way to burn time. At the top of my head, I think these guys, I like..

You might not think he's cute. But I've been a WWE fan since I can remember.

Batista may be funny looking but I like him. No questions asked.

And since we metioned WWE, here's another one.

Yep, Randy Orton. I think he's cute.

See what I mean?

But my one true love in WWE would have to be... The Rock

'Nuff said.

My One Tree Hill obsession is starting to scare me. I think he's hot. James Lafferty aka Nathan Scott.

Apparently, the Scott brothers [the younger generation, I mean.] in One Tree Hill are irresistable. I couldn't agree more.

And since we're on the topic of young actors...

Yep, Seth Cohen is cute in a geeky kind of way.

Now, I don't care if he's from Queer as Folk. I'm not even sure if he's gay or not.

But I decided not to care. He's still hot.

Anyway, moving on. Paul Walker. I think he's one of the sexiest man alive.

And this guy too. I had the hots for Tyrese since 2000 I think. Since I saw the Guess ad. Yum!

I think I already made a drum roll for this guy. But he deserves another one.

And another one...

But this guy tickles my fancy. Bad.

Really. Really. Really. Bad.

Don't you just love the internet?