I think the uptight Nikki is back

I do feel bad for not calling my dad during the holidays.

I know I should've but I can't.

Mum told me I should've.

Uncle forced me to call him.

Even my cousins in the Philippines are emailing me and messaging me to call him.

But I still can't.

I don't have any ill feelings for my dad. We parted in good terms the last time we were both in Manila.

But maybe that's just it.

I've created a life without him.

And he did the same.

All the things that we're going to be talking about from now would seem irrelevant to the other. And it would really hurt me if he won't give a crap about what I've been upto all these time we haven't spoken.

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. I really do.

No matter what, he's still my father and I have his genes. He was there for me growing up too so I don't really have the right to complain.

But once again, I don't want to disappoint. Anyone.

My mum, my stepdad, my cousins and my relatives. Who kept bugging me to get in contact with my dad again.

So Ok, I'll call him. But if his wife picks up, I'm hanging up.