One of them days

I'm having one of those days.

Those days when you just want to sit on your ass.

I don't think I'm depressed.

Things with Fabio are going cool. He gets clingy and he definitely is a stalker in the making.

He thinks we're together. But we're not.

We're just hanging out. Spending time together and just having fun together.

Why does he have to label everything??

And just wreck the moment?? =(

Tim Tam on the other hand got tired of waiting, I think.

We were meant to catch up and meet up again but I keep putting it off.

I'm just too scared I think.

I haven't been on a date for a while and the last time I've been with a guy was eons ago.

I can do casual dating and FWB but I don't think I can do the whole relationship just yet.

I can't. Trust me, I want to not be scared. I'd give anything to let anyone in my life.

A few come knocking and I should be grateful but at the same time, it upsets me when they get too pushy. Or too clingy and attached.

I should be the one being too pushy, demanding, clingy and attached. I should be the one who would say, In my mind, we already have kids..

But no, I'm the one running away. Running away from potential relationships.

I know that chances of me being hurt is really high. Once you let someone in, you risk getting hurt but that's the thing, I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to feel anything that would even be somehow close to pain.

I'd rather have a good time, flirt the night away then leave without having to worry about anything and anyone.

I know it might sound bitchy and borderline slutty. But given my history, the way I got over my ex, the way I picked up the pieces by myself without help from anyone - ie: rebound, the way I cried myself to sleep for months and months [I'm not joking..] is something I don't want to do again.

Ever again.

But I'm hopeful that a guy would come who would accept all my quirks, won't get tired of waiting and just plain wait for me for as long as it takes.

It's too much to ask, I know.

But I fall hard when I meet a really awesome guy.

And I hope Awesome Guy would come when I'm truly and finally ready.

I wouldn't want to drag him into this mess that I call my lovelife.