Back on Emmet

By the way, the kids got back safe.

They called me this morning to let me know that they landed ok.

That the trip was ok and that everything was ok.

Ok, ok, ok.

Anyway, back to Emmet; nothing much to say really. Just that I have a few reservations towards where we're going.

But I refuse to think about that.

It's too far ahead to be thinking about that.

But I can't help myself, sometimes. I have strong feelings for this guy and I don't think I can survive a free fall.

I don't know what to do.

It's all gray at the moment and it's scaring the hell out of me.

I should've just stayed broken up with him but somehow he came back.

I'm not a very good person. I know that. I don't know what he'd seen in me that made him come back.

I don't know why he missed me and why he thought that agreeing to break up with me was a mistake.

I will end up hurting him. I know that.

But there's a difference. Because I actually care about this guy.

And if I do in fact, end up hurting him. I think I'll get hurt even more.

You all know me. I hurt the ones I care about. I drive them away and once they're gone, I try to woo them back.

I tell my friends that Emmet wants to chase and that's it.

But I do too.

I want what I can't have. I work my ass off to get what I want and when I have it, I take it for granted.

My wise mum says I need to change, otherwise I won't be happy. I know I need to change. To appreciate what I have and to treasure them but I can't seem to help myself.

I guess I haven't found the right one for me. The one that would make me go gaga over him and would do anything to keep him.

But then again, maybe I do have a great guy with me but I just couldn't see it.

Once again, Nikki is confused.

You know me, I moan and groan about the opposite sex but that's about it. By the end of the day, I enjoy a night cuddle in front of the tv watching DVDs. I enjoy long chats over the phone.

And I enjoy teaching him tagalog. He's my own little parrot.

Hay, boys.. You can't leave with them, can't kill them.