When you're in a relationship

I guess you compromise. You give and you take.

If you really like the person, you pretty much give more than you can take.

And if the person really likes you, he pretty much gives more than he can take.

So pretty much, it off-sets it.

Lately, I've been feeling robbed. Don't ask me why. Because I will tell you.

Because lately, I feel like all I ever do is just give everything to Emmet. Think about what stuff to do to make Emmet happy and what to give him for his birthday.

You see, his birthday is coming up and I'm thinking of getting him two tickets to the Q1 Observation Deck. He's been telling me that he wanted to go there and I thought that his birthday is the perfect opportunity.

But there's a catch. I don't want to go with him. For some reason, I still feel reluctant to be his girlfriend. Again.

I'm still too scared to expect anything from him because I'm not sure what he's feeling at the moment.

It's hard being on the other side of things. Usually, my boyfriends are the one who calls me and asks me out and begs me to spend time with them.

But with him, it's different. I feel different towards him. Different good bad good.

Definitely different good. Because now I know what it feels like to be uncertain about someone's feelings.

I mean, he calls me and catches up with me, but with him it's all too gray.

I will never know what goes on in that egg-shaped head of his.

I like him. I can't deny that now.

Do I have feelings for him? Yes, I do.

Do I love him? No, but it is a possibility.

This is the first time in a while that I didn't run away from a relationship. He made me face my fears of commitment head on.

He didn't say it but just being him made me keen on pursuing something that I've been so scared of doing for so long.

He must be something special, right?

The past month had been a blur. I don't know where I stand. I still don't know actually.

I think karma is biting me in the ass. Because I actually want to have a relationship with this guy.

A serious one. One that could lead to something.

But I think karma doesn't agree with me.

The one person that I actually care about, and I'm not sure where I stand.

It's pathetic really, because I don't know what to do.

For the first time, I don't want to play games. Just be with him and enjoy each other's company. But for some reason, I really can't see it happening.

I care about this guy so much that I will get hurt if he played me.

I'll get hurt because of three things.

I got played. Again.

I got played by someone I really cared about. Again.

And because karma came and bit me in the ass.

The only question is, is he worth getting bitten in the ass by karma?