I have been blog sacking lately

But I do have my reasons.

A lot of reasons to be exact.

To give you an idea how many reasons I have, let's do a bullet point, shall we?

• My laptop is tweaking out a lot. I had to send it to a computer shop to have it fixed. Thankfully, it's still under warranty. But the fact that I'm out of internet access at home [we still have the desktop computer at home but it's too slow I want to kill myself] and the knowledge that they will erase everything in my laptop is enough to give me...
• A migraine the past two weeks. In addition to my laptop reason, I've been feeling tired and rundown, hence having a migraine that just won't fuck off.
• Uni started two weeks ago, and I'm now bombarded with group assignments, individual written assessments, critical analysis, essays, mid semester exams and final exams for the next thirteen weeks.
• Emmet started his security job - at a nightclub. Yes, how ironic isn't it? He hates clubbing but his first job as a security officer is at a nightclub which leads me to bullet number five;
• We've been fighting a lot. Not enough to call it quits, mind you. But enough to make me cry and worry about where the relationship is going. You see, I know that as a bouncer at a nightclub, sluts would throw themselves at them to get free entry or free drinks. Or some underage whore would offer "services" to get into a club. I know all these sorts of things. I'm not dumb. So I told him, I won't come to visit him at work because I do not want to be there when it happens. Of course, he thinks I'm not being supportive and that I'm cracking the shits and not giving him enough trust which is insulting on his part because he thinks I should be able to trust him one hundred per cent.
• But then when I told him I'm stuck with three Norwegian guys for my group assignment in one of my classes, he rushes to university to check on me and to make sure that the guys aren't hitting on me. Now where is the trust in that? And I'm not the one spendning five hours at a sleazy night club doing what he does.
• I'm missing my parents like crazy. I'm calling them every other day to catch up and to at least be comforted by my mum's voice. The soothing and reassuring voice that I used to hear in the morning charges me eighty cents a minute now. Which leads me to;
• My financial problem. I have to pay this month's bills [funny how I just winged about last month's bills and now, it's here again ready to assault my bank account].
• Work has been stressful. A chef in particular that I sort of had a thing with when Emmet and I were on a break back in November is getting all iffy towards me and as much as I want to restore the friendship that we had built for a few months before we had that thing, I don't think it's going to happen.
• And it doesn't help when Emmet comes into work to visit and my supervisor would yell in the kitchen; "You're boy is here to see you, Nikki.." I know it's sweet. And everyone does the "aww.. you're lucky to have such a loving boyfriend" comment all the time. But then I'd hear a bang in the kitchen followed by a scowl from the chef and the warm feeling I get from seeing Emmet for a few minutes disappears. I've hurt this boy and I can't do anything to change it.
• All the stress from uni, finances, relationships and work are taking its toll on my health. In the past two weeks, I've had two nose bleeds. I get nose bleeds when I don't get enough sleep and enough Iron in my body. I'm anaemic because I'm Iron deficient and I bruise like a peach. Now, I have a big bruise on my right wrist that looks like I've been assaulted. It's so big you can't miss it. And the scary thing is, it has a lump on the centre of the bruise.
• I would have it checked but I can't find the time. I know I should find the time because it's my health that's on the line and I will go, I promise it's just too hard juggling everything at once.

And I know that sooner or later I will have to drop something to keep me from passing out from stress. Which at this point, I feel every single day.

I get the daily head rush, the cramps, the blurry eyes. I've been trying to keep myself awake by downing three coke zero everyday. I know it's not healthy but I've never been healthy in the first place anyway so why bother?

Four hours of sleep every day is not enough but what can you do when you live alone, do the washing, clean the house, start work at 7am, come home at 11am, sleep for another two hours and start back at work at 5:30? Then on days that you have to be at uni, you start at 8am til 9pm?

There's nothing you can do. You just have to ride the university student wave and hope that you won't wipe out til you graduate your degree.

And then you earn 60k per annum and it'll be hell worth it.