I'm losing my mind

And yet, I still have time to blog and bitch about my life.

I know some people would think, Who the hell gives you the right to bitch when you have it easy compared to other people?

But believe me, it's been a fucked up week and I'll bitch if I want to.

First of all, I have two assignments due in two weeks. Which I haven't started. I know it should be easy seeing as I don't really work that much anymore [more to that a little bit later..] and I spend all my free time at uni.

But how's this; I have two assignments due in two weeks. Both are individual assignments worth 40% of the final marks. And both should be 2500 words give or take 10%.

Not only that, but I also have two group assignments this semester and I'm not proud to say this, but they are all as sharp as a tact [insert sarcastic giggle here]. So I'm having a premonition that I will end up doing most of the work, which I always do every single time I have a damn group project.

You see, I plan to be total geek this semester as I want to improve my grades to up my gpa even more so for my masters, but hell, I won't bore you with that one.

Back to my winge binge, I've come to realised that I've taken everything I can out of my work. I can't challenge myself anymore as everything gets so repetitive. It hasn't come to the point where I drag myself to work just cos I can't find the motivation to work but it somewhere between, I don't care to work anymore and I don't care to work anymore.

I just don't care.

But then, I look at job sites to see if there are any jobs more challenging for me, this paranoia creeps in telling me that I should hang on to my job til I finish my degree just so I can get easy money out of it.

Also, I'm setting my eyes to be a tutor next year. The pay is really good, and I don't have to work as much. Another reason why I'm working my ass off this year - I'm using my super ass kissing power to get acquainted with lecturers so when the time comes that they need people to be tutors, they'll remember me - hopefully.

Next, I'm struggling with money - as always. I'm save bingeing my way to go to Thailand for my birthday so I'm living like a total hobo - I only spend money on petrol for my car and everytime people ask me if I want to do something, I always tell them I don't have money. Blunt, straight and no beating around the bush.

I haven't said anything to anyone about this except my mum cos I don't want to come out as a total loser who fears that her boyfriend would cheat on her but I'm not quite comfortable with Emmet working in his new job.

Mum told me not to be silly. She said that Emmet loves me and he won't do anything to break my trust.

I feel terrible saying this, but I don't trust him. There's always this nagging voice in my head that tells me not to trust him. Sure he's affectionate and I know he loves me but I know for a fact that he can just turn around and cheat on me with some blond bimbo with big boobs that would come along.

I don't think the novelty is wearing off, I still love him a lot but the trust is not there. And his new job didn't help.

It's come to the point where I'm just waiting for the day when he'll tell me that he's found someone else, how bad is that?

Next point, I miss my dad. I haven't spoken to him in two months. He's in Manila right now and he wants me to come so we can see each other but I can't cos I have my whole life here.

Next point, I'm computer disabled for the past three weeks. My laptop's still tweaking out and the technician still hasn't called me. Bastard.

I'm missing my mum. I have no one to talk to. I'm all alone for another five weeks.

SO yeah, I'm losing my mind. Wonder when I'll become a full blown nutty.