So many things happen in the past week

Emmet and I talked.

Yes.

Him.

Emmet.

And we talked.

It happened last Wednesday. Yes, I folded and talked to him the day after he messaged me on MSN.

I met him for coffee at Surfers and we started talking.

Well, he was talking. He was pretending that nothing happened.

Finally, I stopped and turned, Are we going to talk because if not, I'm leaving.

So we went to the beach and sat on the sand and was silent for a good ten minutes.

I'm sorry, he said.

Is that it, I asked.

He said he was sorry for everything.

He told me his reasons. I believed him.

Because when the tears start falling like Niagara Falls - from someone who's as tough and as macho as Emmet, you have to believe him too. Not everyday do I see my boyfriend become desperate.

There, I said it. Boyfriend. Yes, we are back together.

I just can't see myself with anyone anymore.

I think he's it.

I don't know what possessed me to go back and to take him back again. I certainly wasn't feeling lonely anymore.

And I was sure as hell that I wanted to move on.

But when I saw his face and the look of sadness in his eyes, I knew I had to make it better.

I never ever get back together with my exes, he said.

Then why am I an exception, I asked.

You're you. Nikki. My panget, he answered.

Then we kissed.

It was a beautiful night. A great night to get back together because last Wednesday was state of origin. And to put icing on the cake, Queensland won.

But of course after a few days

It gets you thinking; Did I make the right choice? What if he does it again?

Was he playing the field and then when he couldn't find anyone he came back to me.

Yep, all the nasty things that I can think of, I thought of.

I went back on my word and I told him, I want to take things slow. That a big part of me wanted to just move on.

Do you know how hard it is to hear that you think I'm a waste of space, he demanded.

You don't say stuff like that to someone you love, he continued.

Well, you don't not call someone you supposedly love for three weeks and expect a welcome home party, I shot back.

We agreed to take it slow. To just take it one day at a time.

But breaking up is not an option - we both agreed.

You never ever NOT call me back again. If we have any problems, we talk about. You don't walk out on relationships just like that, I said.

Do you know that everyday that I haven't spoken to you, you never left my mind. I always wonder what you're doing. I always use one of your pens for good luck and I always wear one of Tita's gifts just to have you near me, he said.

I realise he's emotionally unavailable. I understand that. And I knew what I was getting myself into.

I love him. Almost losing him made me realise that I want to be with him for a very long time.

Do you think I can just turn away from a long-term relationship like that, he asked.

Even if I wanted to, I can't. You're the only one that gets me, he added.

I'm so happy right now. I have my boyfriend and I finally have my best friend back.

We have a lot to work on but by the end of the day, I'll always keep running back to him.


And to celebrate

I got really drunk on Friday night.

Amber said I was mental. And that I was so embarassing.

I got kicked out of one of the clubs for being so drunk.

I ended up falling over at the Drink nightclub and I lost my shoe. I was walking all over the dance floor looking for my shoe. But of course since I was blind drunk it was a mission trying to look for it.

I fell over twice while dancing and I ended up dancing by myself - with no one in particular. I woke up the next day and all the stuff I did came rushing back. While I was saying my prayers to the porcelain god, I laughed out loud.

Did I really do that, I asked myself.

I cringe everytime I think about that night. So, so, so, embarassing.

The last time I got kicked out of the club was last year.

And I got denied entry in one of the clubs for having a few too many before hitting the town.

Well, you can't say Nikki doesn't know how to party.

As soon as I downed two glasses of red wine, Amber looked at her boyfriend.

Be scared. Be very scared, she warned.

Why, her boyfriend asked.

Last time she was like this, she got kicked out of a club, she replied.

And I didn't disappoint.

And I will never disappoint. I will party like a person with mad cow disease before final exams.

I need this to know that I'm still alive.