Didn't I just say break up is a bitch?

My friend who I lost contact with finally decided to email me...

Hi!! The time na nandto ka I was busy kasi may shoot kami ng music video. I was on myx..!!! heheh.. And I was also part of making the story board of South Border's "too crazy" heheh.. I miss you na nga eh.. Sana kasi you informed me ng maaga na uuwi ka.. Alam mo naman na dinadalaw kita pag umuuwi ka diba? How's tita and Uncle? Are you still with your boyfriend? Feeling ko di na kasi wala na siya sa mga pictures mo sa friendster..

Anyway wala na kami ng gf ko.. We broke up two weeks after she went back to Korea..heheh Pero ok lang at least nakaexperience ng foreigner!!heeh...Di sex ah!! In a relationship... It was so different talaga.. I experienced a mature relationship.. Hanap mo namn ako diyan..may plan din namn ako pumunta sa australia after grad. Hanap mo ako fix marriage!! hehe..

anyway sana nandito ka this summer kasi may plan pumunta ng
batch sa puerto.. Ingat ka dyan ok!! Keep in
touch..Blooming ka ata ha??hehe.. inluv
siguro... bye muah..

Everybody is breaking up.. Did I just start a trend??

My week-long holiday is almost over

Yep, I did have a one week holiday but I still end up being in the library and doing essays and interactive exercises. I'm turning into a geek. Now that it'll all be over tomorrow, the real work starts on Monday. Gawd, I have a paper due on Monday by 4pm and my freaking tutor hasn't even replied to my email about it.

Fucking hell.

Excuse my French. I'm starting to really feel the stress of mid-semester. It's coming and I'm dreading it.

A waste of money and my time

The Ring 2, that is. 'Nuff said.

Whoever said gruesome films are worth buying popcorn and cokes for?

Deferring a semester for Europe?

Sounds good to me.

I finally got my mum to let me defer a semester at uni just so I can work full-time and raise 7k for my planned trip to Europe. I've been putting it off for months now with fear that she'll rip my head off for even thinking of deferring university.

But miraculously, she said yes. Now, I'm deferring my uni early next year and will save up money to travel. Hurrah! I can't wait.

I'm not trying to jinx my trip but I just have to talk about it.

Would buy a ticket for round the world trip with four stopovers. Two in the states, one in Europe and one in Asia.

I'm thinking California and Seattle for my US stopovers. That way, I can cross the border and can spend time with my dad as well in Canada.

In Europe, will probably stop in Rome or Vienna then work my way around. They have a Eurorail pass there that connects all the European countries especially for tourists. I don't worry about accommodation in Europe as I can just hop on a train at night and see where the trip takes me. If I woke up in Paris, then that would be my itinerary for the day.

Probably in Asia I'll stop in Manila but I'm keen to do country-hopping in Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia as well. I still have to sort that one out.

But yeah, I'm excited. I just wish I can push through with this. I really want to do this.

Happier note: I lost another kilo. Double hurrah!

Break up is a bitch

I know cause I've been there.

But actually watching your friend go through the same ordeal is ten times worse than experiencing it firsthand. I can't stand the fact that I'm helpless when it comes to giving advices about love. I can't hang on to a man - so who am I to give advices, huh?

It's hard not to "aww.." or "oh no.." or "shit..." whenever they share their break up stories with you. They think that just cause you went through the same thing, you'd be an expert.

I'm not a natural, thank you very much.

I don't like getting dumped. Nor doing the dumping.

But it's something we all have to experience for us to grow. Growing into whatever. That I still have to find out.

I remember my cousin telling me before to just keep walking. Try not to look too eager to get over someone cause it feels totally fake.

"One day at a time, Nikki."

At first I thought it was something so hard to do. I looked at him as if he was asking me to sing the National Anthem with a lisp.

I tried to take it one day at a time, though.

I took one step at a time. I kept walking. I'm not yet there but I can see it. I'm hopeful that I'd get there eventually.

Now, as one of my friends is having a hard time with her break up, all I can say is, "Yes, break up is a bitch and yes, shit happens. But this shit might actually be the best that ever happened. You just freed yourself from a relationship that is due to end sooner or later. You made yourself available sooner than you'd like, but at least you're single when the right man comes along. He will come along. He will."

Ever felt like you've been sitting on your ass for far too long?

I'm talking about being bored out of your mind for doing the same old thing and you just had to get away.

My cousin did.

So he packed his bags, called his friends, withdrew twelve thousand off his account and flitted off to Boracay for Holy Week without telling his mom, dad, siblings.

Crazy.

He'd gone missing for three weeks. Missed his own mother's birthday party. Missed his nephew and niece's graduations. Missed his sister's despedida for New York. Had everybody worried sick then came home tanned and relaxed.

Apparently it was his twenty-first birthday gift for himself.

Crazy.

He spent two weeks in Iloilo with his friends and one week in Boracay - just in time to see gorgeous models and celebrities parading their well-toned bodies in skimpy bikinis - or so I've been told.

"Nikki, it was the best thing. Trust me, Boracay is the bomb this time of year."

Crazy crazy crazy.

I told you insanity runs in our family.

The Easter Bunny came and ruined my diet...

Easter was supposed to be a happy day for everyone.

I was happy. I woke up with a smile on my face. Took my shower and went to church. I sang along with the choir and was just basically grateful that I'm still alive to celebrate the day with my family. I went to the gym and do my daily routine and drove home to get ready for lunch.

Pulled over at Palazzo Versace and the fat girl inside me went out of control.

As soon as she saw the mountains of oysters, prawns, crabs, sushi and sweets - she went crazy. She just couldn't be stopped. She became the slave of the food runners. Constantly roaming around the buffet table trying out every dish that was offered.

After pigging out for over an hour, the Easter Bunny came up to her and offered an enormous easter egg. I wanted to smack the bunny. I really did. But I took the egg and tried it. It was good. Tried it s'more. It was really good. I just gave up and finished the whole thing off.

In fairness, that was the only meal I ate yesterday and I compensated today by doing 150 situps and 50 minutes of cardio. It kinda just balanced each other out.

Two more kilos, Nikki. Two kilos to lose in a month and half.

You can do it.

The timing of this email is perfect

A young man had been to Wednesday night Bible Study. The Pastor had shared about listening to God and obeying the Lord's voice. The young man couldn't help but wonder, "Does God still speak to people?"

After service he went out with some friends for coffee and pie and they discussed the message. Several different ones talked about how God had led them in different ways.

It was about ten o'clock when the young man started driving home. Sitting in his car, he just began to pray, "God...If you still speak to people speak to me. I will listen. I will do my best to obey." As he drove down the main street of his town, he had the strangest thought to stop and buy a gallon of milk.

He shook his head and said outloud, "God is that you?" He didn't get a reply and started on toward home.But again, the thought, buy a gallon of milk.The young man thought about Samuel and how he didn't recognize the voice of God, and how little Samuel ran to Eli."Okay, God, in case that is you, I will buy the milk."

It didn't seem like too hard a test of obedience. He could always use the milk. He stopped and purchased the gallon of milk and started off toward home. As he passed Seventh Street, he again felt the urge, "Turn Down that street." This is crazy he thought and drove on past the intersection.

Again, he felt that he should turn down Seventh Street. At the next intersection,he turned back and headed down Seventh. Half jokingly, he said out loud,"Okay, God, I will". He drove several blocks, when suddenly, he felt like he should stop. He pulled over to the curb and looked around.

He was in semi commercial area of town. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst of neighborhoods either. The businesses were closed and most of the houses looked dark like the people were already in bed.Again, he sensed something, "Go and give the milk to the people in the house across the street."

The young man looked at the house. It was dark and it looked like the people were either gone or they were already asleep. He started to open the door and then sat back in the car seat."Lord, this is insane. Those people are asleep and if I wake them up,they are going to be mad and I will look stupid." Again, he felt like he should go and give the milk. Finally, he opened the door, "Okay God, if this is you, I will go to the door and I will give them the milk. If you want me to look like a crazy person, okay. I want to be obedient.

I guess that will count for something but if they don't answer right away, I am out of here." He walked across the street and rang the bell. He could hear some noiseinside. A man's voice yelled out, "Who is it? What do you want?" Then the door opened before the young man could get away. The man was standing there in his jeans and T-shirt. He looked like he just got outof bed. He had a strange look on his face and he didn't seem too happy to have some stranger standing on his doorstep. "What is it?" The young man thrust out the gallon of milk, "Here, I brought this for you." The man took the milk and rushed down a hallway. Then from down the hall came a woman carrying the milk toward the kitchen. The man was following her holding a baby.

The baby was crying. The man had tears streaming down his face.The man began speaking and half crying, "We were just praying. We had some big bills this month and we ran out of money. We didn't have any milk for our baby. I was just praying and asking God to show me how to get some milk." His wife in the kitchen yelled out, "I ask him to send an Angel with some. Are you an Angel?"

Awwww...

Gawd, forgive me

I haven't been checking my globe sim card for three weeks now. Forgive me for being AWOL again but it's just the way I am. I'm busy right now with everything. My uni this semester is my top priority. I want to get credit at the very least. I want to study at least one semester in US next year and to do that, I have to really work my ass off to do well.

I know it's easy to think I'm just blowing you guys off, but I'm not. Believe me. I just can't find the time. I know it sounds too cliche but it's true. I'm rarely at home and when I am, I fall dead asleep.

I promise I'll catch up with everything. Now's just not a good time.

By the way, I'm grateful for having a roof on my head. I'm grateful for having decent clothes to wear. I'm grateful for living in the Gold Coast and I'm grateful for Jesus dying on the cross for me.

Thank you.

I'm a happy, happy girl

Want to know why? Because of this.

I finally got the phone that I so wanted for the longest time. It's such a good stalking device (click on the image and you'll see what I mean!). I've been telling myself not to tinker with it for a little while. At least, try to pay last respect to my Nokia 3660 but I just can't help it. I love Nokie (my phone). I really do, but there are certain things that you have to move on from and Nokie is one of them. But she'll always be in my heart. No matter what. She better learns how to get along with Liggy otherwise, I wouldn't know what I would do.

Another reason why I've been smiling foolishly all day - endorphins. I can't get enough of going to the gym. It's crazy how I'm addicted to treadmills, rowing machines, pin weights and gym lockers.

Finding the fitness instructor hot is just a plus though.

Just a plus.

How Ironic

For the past couple of days I've been repeating the same words over and over.

"Don't fall for him."

Elaborate: This guy at Uni - possibly German, has been making my heart beat faster for a few days now. I don't know if it has something to do with the classes that we have together but I just noticed him straight away. It's weird how you get attracted to someone when there are literally hundreds of guys roaming around the university. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Weird.

So yeah, been telling myself not to fall for him.

This morning I was halfway convinced. I don't need a guy right now. Not even someone who I want to perve on.

Went to the library (where I am now!) and as soon as I walked in - there was Eco-guy from last semester queueing for the printer. That and the fact that he was wearing a shirt the same colour - exactly the same colour as my messenger bag.

Now, I'm all out of breath because of my perving. I'm close-to-literally salivating over him.

I hate being a woman with hormones...

A double dose of Will Smith

I loved the movie so much I went and watched it twice. Though Will Smith was not in his usual hottie mode in the movie, I kind of see myself as a twenty-something person afraid to be in love because of the what happened in the past. I don't know. Maybe I'm just saying this now because I'm not in the mood to look for another serious relationship so soon after one walked out on me. But I wouldn't be surprised if I'd turn into this bitter old career woman who doesn't have time for love or dating because any time away from work and friends are just a waste.

I'm so bitter I can't keep a straight face.

I'm lying of course.

Mark from Friendster had asked one of his mates to call me yesterday. I didn't get his friend's name but we talked for a good half an hour. Mark had been calling me for a couple of weeks now and I always seem to miss his calls. I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm always at work or at Uni or at the gym or out walking along the beach with Bernie or at Tae Kwon Do class or dead asleep.

That's what I do. That's how I live my life.

Anyway, his friend and I got to talk and it was surprisingly smooth. He is well-travelled. Apparently, he travelled Europe for seven years and he just got back from Spain. I was a bit impressed about the bit of information but I'm not basing my judgement just on that. Plus the fact that we only spoke just the one time. Also the fact that Mark was supposed to be the one calling me and talking to me, but I ended up having a really nice conversation with his mate instead. How weird is that?

They're down in Hobart right now but they are planning to come up in June for winter holidays. They wanted to meet up with me and just basically show them around the Coast and Brisbane. I said yes. Bit my lip and went to Dimples for help. I don't even know these guys. I don't usually do these kinds of things. I usually check them out first and just basically start from there.

I suppose I can just ditch them if they're not hot enough or something but that's being a royal bitch and I'm not the one to play that part anymore.

She agreed to come with me when I meet up with them. Good 'ol her. Reliable at all times.

I've lost three kilos in a week. Hurrah! I was so happy I celebrated by pigging out on popcorn in the movies last week. That was just a minor setback. I'm doing forty minutes of cardio every day. I feel good and my skin looks good too. It's being exposed under the sun and it's healthier looking. A downfall though, I'm tan. I hated it. But at least now, it's a pleasure to look at me - at least that's what Mum and Uncle Lucio said.

Dimples and I made a pact that we'll buy a dress one size smaller and we'll work on getting that dress to fit us by May. Then we'll reward ourselves by going to a spa, have a massage and facials. I'm so excited about losing weight I can see myself riding the waves of Surfers Paradise. I'm so keen to surf. It's like my Everest.

Two more kilos Nikki. Two more kilos...

All stressed out

When you are under an avalanche of written assignments, group meetings, quizzes, lectures, tutorials and having a very sore body and been starving since Saturday and having your monthly period, the itch to blog becomes apparent.

So spare me if I ramble on. I need to vent or I'll explode.

Lately, I've been tempted to get in contact with my ex-boyfriend yet again. Not just the "Ya think I should just not block him out and wait for him to message me at YM?" but the "I really, really, really want to talk to him. To see if he still thinks of me and whether he still wants to get in contact."

I've been dreaming about him nonstop too. I think about him and his girlfriend all the time. But it's not accompanied with a tug to my heart anymore. Just slight.

Silly Nikki. Silly, silly Nikki.

I know I can't go back. I've come a long way. I might as well just continue with what I do and eventually will fully forget about him. Besides, I kind of have an idea that he's completely forgotten about me. I wouldn't be surprised if one day we bumped into each other and he'll just go, "Nikki who?"

I'm seriously torturing myself.

Haven't I put myself through a lot for that guy?

Maybe it's just the PMS talking. I've been having a lot of mood swings lately. It's not even funny.

I know I'll be okay though. I'm almost there, I can feel it. But it scares me that once I get there, I won't be able to even cement a friendship with him because getting over him is one if not the hardest thing I ever have to do.

And I don't think I can do it again.

Right now, I'm happy with what I do and who I spend my time with. I get to focus on what I want and once I had that sorted out, I got all excited with my plans and my goals.

I never imagined myself enrolling in a tae kwon do class. Never in my life. I thought I'm too delicate for that sort of sport. I was scared that I'd break my already broken nose or I'd sprain my ankle.

I never also thought that I'd be motivated to try to lose some weight. I always thought, "Hey, it's my choice to be a fat-ass so deal with it." Weight had never been an issue. I always like what I see in the mirror and I'm confident in my own skin so why would I? It's not like I'm morbidly obese and need two seats for my two bum cheeks.

But I want to be healthy. I want to be able to do a lot of physical activities that requires being fit. Examples: scuba diving, sky diving, bungee jumping, mountain climbing, skiing and surfing.

I started joining the gym again. Am doing forty-five minutes of cardio everyday. I walk along the beach and I start to look after what I eat. Hence, been starving since Saturday.

This morning at the gym, my thighs were so sore from cycling, I wanted to give up. Then I thought to myself, "size ten, size ten, size ten." That kept me going. It's my mantra. I chant it to keep me motivated. It's my desired size when I turn twenty-one.

It's weird how motivated I am this time around. Probably because I get to do it with Dimples. It's fun when you're with someone who is on the same wavelength as you.

Dimples and I were talking the other night how hard it was for her to get over her ex-best-friend-cum-almost-boyfriend. It's been almost three years and she's still trying to get over him.

"I can wait for him and not stop my world altogether."

See I can't do that. I can not wait for him and still move on with my life. I do things one at a time. I plan my life and stick to it. I decide on one thing and goes after it. Right now, I decided to take control of my life and do all these different things. That's what I've decided to do.

Because I don't want to waste my time waiting and hoping. I don't want to become a spinster.

And I have this sinking feeling that the person I want to wait for doesn't want to be waited on anymore anyway.

So why bother?