How was your weekend?

Want to know mine? Hmmmm... let's see.

On friday, after studying my ass off for my Business Statistics exam for the next morning, I got a phone call from a friend who wanted to take pictures and drive around the city.

Then, after imminent complaints of hunger from me, we had dinner and I was rushed to the hospital for food poisoning after that. But not before I started puking inside my friend's car which was embarassing beyond belief.

Saturday, Bernie's birthday. After my exam, I drove towards the mall to buy her a cute stuffed animal which she totally fell in love with, by the way.

Since it was her nineteenth, Tiana (our other friend) bought wine and you know what happened after that. A bottle of wine and hours later, I couldn't remember my own name.

Sunday, the morning after. I had a serious hang over and I was trying very hard to come to terms with the fact that I woke up at 4PM. Dropped off by my friend and went straight to church with Uncle and Mum with me still smelling like cigarettes.

Yes, I decided to give nicotine another chance. I'm not proud of it and will quit soon.. PROMISE!

I'm tired of feeling guilty when I'm not doing anything wrong.

I like you but your kindness makes me feel like a scum who is in need of a shower.

When asked why, I told him I can't.

"It's him isn't it?"

"Errr... yeah."

But it's not. I have to stop using that excuse to get out of a good relationship. I've trashed two promising relationships because I don't want to commit.

Thanks, Dad for pointing that out.

I'm just not ready to fall head over heels in love again. Five months is too short a time to put myself out there again.

The good thing about this was when Bernie asked me, I mean really really asked me if I still love my ex, I came up with no.

No, I don't.

God, I've jumped from Rob to Mark and I was still convincing myself that I love him? If I do, I wouldn't have dated. But I did and I'm not even sorry. Times spent with these two are classic.

Rob is a serious person who wants to take things to the next level so soon. He was interested in moving in together so soon after we met and he was interested in meeting my family. He was very keen to please me but he was pissing me off. He's dying to look for his life partner and I was just dying to get over my ex. I found him too boring. I didn't want it to work out.

Last week, he told me he loves me. Three months after we broke up, he would say that. I couldn't even remember his name much more feel something meaningful. He thought I was still hung up on my ex. When I told him I was seeing someone new, he got so upset and asked for an explanation.

Yeah, as if I owe you an explanation. We broke up over three months ago. We only went out for a few weeks. He was my rebound guy. I was rebounding from my ex with him. He knew that. He told me he was cool with that.

Mark is a funny person whom I totally adore. He was there when I needed him. Was there to take me away from all my worries. He was there when I needed a person to vent my anger to. He was there. He's a total sweet heart. He never makes me angry. We didn't fight. Even when I blasted at him last week for being late in picking me up, he just kissed me and gave me the puppy dog look. He never takes my bait.

Whenever we are at the mall, he would put his arms around me and would kiss the top of my head every two minutes. He would open doors for me. He would carry my bag for me. He would order my food first before ordering his. He would let me try his food. He would make sure I get inside the house before driving off. He would SMS me as soon as he gets home. He would call me as soon as I tell him I am home.

But I even found a flaw in Mark. I don't love him. But he doesn't love me too.

"Not yet, anyway."

Maybe when I get back I would love him. I'm bailing now because I don't want to do another long-distance relationship with someone I really really like. He told me he doesn't want it either. (He's going to Thailand for three months but I'm still persuading him to come over to Manila for Christmas to meet my relatives and my dad)

Back to what my dad told me...

"You're just using your feelings for him as an escape goat. You don't love him. You're just not ready to have another boyfriend. Don't force yourself."

"A break up is like a broken mirror. It's better that you leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it."

Dad, you're a genius.

My parents are right, there are things you're not allowed to do before you're at least 25.... like fall in love.

Getting over my ex-boyfriend had been one of the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. I had to deal with a lot of pain. But I managed to stir myself in the direction where I want to be found. I don't want to be a pathetic loser who can't move on. I refuse to be that kind of person. My heartache will not take me down.

You see, I don't feel lonely anymore. I don't think about him anymore. I don't wish he were here anymore. I don't want to talk to him anymore. I don't get hurt anymore. I don't get jealous anymore. I don't want to see him anymore.

And I'm doing really well with my exams. Damn, hope this karma thing won't end. I'm finally happy with the way things are going. Last night, I told him that I have an utmost respect in him and that I have no hard feelings towards the situation.

And you know what? I meant it.