Has Anybody seen my self-esteem?

I've been missing her lately and I suddenly realised that I haven't seen her anywhere near me for months.

I have been busy running all over the place that I failed to give my ego, my self-esteem and my confidence a massage. *Talking to the ignored ones* Please don't get mad at me for being bad... ok, very bad. I'm sorry. It's been hell but you all should know that.

I can not believe that Miss-Self-Esteem is still nowhere to be found. For years, she held my chin up. Managed to make me the life of the party everytime my friends and I go out.

She managed to come up with witty one-liners with friends when such need arises. But now, it's like she went AWOL. I need her back in my life.

She says "Excuse me" whenever I cough. She manipulates me into understanding people rather than biting their heads off. She outrules my thumb to reply to every messages that my mobile phone receives. She bullies the corners of my lips to smile at every single person that greets me.

She pulls my tongue out to be polite to my mother's friends, my daddy's colleagues, my grandmother's never-ending-stories, my cousins' stupid jokes and my nieces and nephews' nonstop nagging.

She demands that I always have sufficient funds on my mobile phone just so when an emergency arises, I can just call or text to my heart's content.

She wakes me up at an ungodly hour of two o'clock in the morning everytime I sense that my grandmother is walking around the house looking for food.

She helps me bite my tongue to stop me from being a smart-ass everytime my auntie tries to get on my nerve.

She counts to ten everytime I get impatient.

Where is she?

I miss you.

Please come back.

Anything that doesn't kill you will only make you stronger

Blah, blah, blah...

I heard my daddy yap all day long about how people in our lives come and go. How you have to set people free and if it comes back, it's yours to take, if it doesn't, then that person was only sent to hurt you but will make you stronger.

"You will come out stronger in the end. Just wait. I'm never wrong with these kinds of things."

"Remember, everything happens for a reason."

Been wanting to bash my head on the wall. I shouldn't have confided to my fahter. He's probably cheering now that his little girl vowed to be uber-bitter and be a manang for the rest of her life. (Ok, not THAT dramatic!)

Sure, he did offer words of confidence but mostly he kept reassuring me that I'll be alright and that.... Everybody now, "Everything happens for a bloody reason."

But seriously dad, thanks. It's the first time in our lives that I confided in you about my pain and my heart being broken. At the very least, I'm happy that this happened. At least you were there to make me roll my eyes out of its sockets everytime you feed me cliches.

I have the "Oh, please. I've heard that one before." down to its finest form everytime you tell me your share of heart aches.

At least I realized that I still have the smiling bone attached to my face everytime you tell me that you will be my Valentine on Monday.

If anything else, I'm happy that this made us closer than ever.

And if this is the only way for us to get emotionally close, then I would want to experience this all over again.

But I pray to God that it's not anytime soon.

Because I know that there is one man who would never leave me for a better daughter.

Wonder what my life would be like if I had amnesia?

Will there be a Cholo in my life, that even after five years of me being thought dead, he still pines for me? Still thinks about me? Still loves me?

Or will there be a Tristan-slash-Charlie psycho who will take me for a ride and feed me all the wrong information just so that I won't get my memory back?

Or maybe a Eunice (Which is unlikely) who will be the bane of my existence and will just basically make my life a living hell due to her undying jealousy.

After a few minutes of thinking it through...

I'm not cut out for Telenovela, Soap Opera, Chinovela, Koreanovela or whatever it is called.

One thing's for sure though: Stairway to Heaven kicks ass.