Blue

"I feel blue,"

That's what I said to Muay Boy on the phone a few days back. I called him to ask for his advice over something. Told me to do the right thing. I know I should do the right thing. Once again, I'm torn about a guy and running right back to Muay Boy for confidence.

I promised him [guy I'm torn about] I'd go wall climbing with him on Sunday. He was psyched. So was I. I mean, I would love to go wall climbing [or is it indoor rock climbing?], bungee jumping or whatever it is with him. Ever felt so connected that there's just this super charged energy? But he's just got too much baggage. I can't take baggage. As I said, not yet. There's also the age gap. I'm not gona count how much gap we have but it sure is big.

I love Muay Boy for being so decent and for accepting the situation. He's matured so much and I believe that after a few years - maybe after I finish my undergraduate and postgraduate degrees and moved to Sydney, we can be friends.

He's worth being in my life.

Wednesday Downpour

First time in my life had I experienced such downpour. Three stupid girls going clubbing on a Wednesday night. Amber decided to spy on James. She felt that he's cheating. So we went to The Drink and see what he's up to. It was raining and I was tired so I asked B to drop me off home and just chill for a little while and just come back out to pick Amber up.

We were doing 30 on an 80 zone. We couldn't see shit. I got scared. What if we had gotten stranded? What if the engine died on us? We had to pull over cos B just couldn't see the road properly. We pulled over along Main Beach and went for a fag. While smoking, I told her about my blues.

"I really like this guy, B,"

"You know what worries me? Your psychic reading. When she said that you'll marry young. What if that's him? He's obviously in the stage where he's ready to settle down and ready to support someone,"

I know I won't go there just yet. Hell, I'm only almost 21. I can't just give up my dreams, my aspirations for somethign so unsettled.

You know what would be the best? If we can choose whom we can have certain feelings to.

Twenty-one, baby

Five days to go and I'll be twenty-one. I so can not wait. I'm stoked I lived this long.. Giggles.

Am having my party a week from now. Can't wait. Hired a two-bedroom apartment along Main Beach. Will be staying there for two nights. Friday night would just have to be a mellow night with the group as I have to work the following day but cum Saturday and I'm there. Would want to get smashed. But not too much as I have a few friends from work whom I'm thinking of inviting. Don't want them to think I'm an alco. I'm not. On the verge but not there yet. Tee hee.

I should stop drinking. But not on my twenty-first. It's my night, baby!!

Thanks for the proud best friend comment. Love you for that.