But she tagged me, I have no choice but to oblige.
3 names you go by:
1. Nonica Rea
2. Nikki
3. Baby Girl
3 screen names you have had:
1. nikkiangara
2. junkie
3. chill_2029
3 physical things you like about yourself:
1. eyes
2. height
3. hair
3 physical things you don't like about yourself:
1. toes
2. chin
3. nose
3 parts of your heritage:
1. Filipino
2. Spanish
3. Chinese
3 things that scare you:
1. exams
2. death
3. death stares
3 of your everyday essentials:
1. phone
2. eyeliner
3. contact lens
3 of your favorite musical artists:
1. Justin Timberlake
2. Matchbox Twenty [Rob Thomas]
3. Vertical Horizon
3 of your favorite songs:
1. Faith - Limp Bizkit
2. Four Seasons of Loneliness - Boyz II Men
3. Incomplete - Sisqo
3 things you want in a relationship:
1. Trust
2. respect
3. Availability
3 lies and truths in no particular order:
lies
1. People Change.
2. Patience is a virtue.
3. If a person throws a rock at you, you throw a bread [what the fuck?]
truths
1. Everything happens for a reason.
2. You don't know what you got til it's gone.
3. The only thing permanent is change.
3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. eyes
2. height
3. body
3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. shopping [don't we all?]
2. watching movies
3. reading
3 things you badly want to do now:
1. smoke [well, i already have cos it takes ages for me to blog...]
2. get a haircut
3. sleep
3 careers you're considering/you've considered:
1. journalism
2. making movies
3. casting director
3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Sweden
2. Norway
3. New Caledonia
3 kids' names you like:
1. Franchesca
2. Keith
3. Denise
3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Publish a book
2. Date a cop
3. Laugh at George W. Bush's face.
3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I'm strong.
2. I'm hairy.
3. I fart in front of my friends.
3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1. I check myself out every damn chance I get.
2. I do online shopping.
3. I'm pa-cute.
3 celeb crushes:
1. Andy Garcia
2. Colin Firth
3. Nicolas Cage
Time to pass the responsibility to one person and one person only - B.
I wonder if she's growing a penis
She farts.
She spits.
She burps - really loud too.
She can drive a fucking v8 car.
She can sober me up after a couple of glasses of coke and jim beam.
She can do a fucking burnout using Nick's car.
She races with cars along the highway.
Fuck. I wish I can do that - but I can't. Damn it. Me and my hatch...
Leaving him in the dark
Can you please tell me what's wrong, i hate being left in the dark. At least let me know that you're doing alright.
R's message.
I didn't leave him in the dark. I just haven't been returning his calls and messages. I know he's going to breakup with his girlfriend - I don't want him to. I can't offer him the commitment that he wants. I'm just not ready. I'm not keen to be in a relationship right now especially with someone who have kids and family in mind [I know I'm being a tiny bit like Jennifer Aniston].
I'm 21. I think I've stressed it enough that I'm only young once. So what am I doing with an older guy who has a house, drives a sizzling hot car, does wall-climbing, goes cycling every chance he gets? I have no idea. No idea at all.
But I'm sure of one thing: I'm not ready for a commitment - not by a long run. I'm having fun going clubbing with my friends and just basically bumming around now that I haven't been showing up at work [can't show up at work now that I've broken it off with him, I mean it'll be weird working with him especially since everyone knows that he's got a partner, I can't stop him from telling everyone about our little fling, can I?]and waiting til uni starts. I'm happy with my life. I really am. I'm not about to fuck that up by being with someone who's got so much emotional baggage.
I like him. I do. But not enough for me to give up my single status and commit to him fully.
Can I see a big future with him? Not really.
Can I see myself having kids with him? Not really.
Can I see myself falling in love with this guy? Not really.
So it's only fair that I stop this and let him go while he still can. The other night, when I was over at his place he asked me not to leave him.
Please don't leave, he said.
Whatever it is that stops you from being with me, I'll make it right, he said.
I'll make everything right just so you'd stick around, I'm in it for the long run, he said.
Sweet. But I'm not in it for the long run. I can never be in it for the long run. Not yet.
I don't think he understands that. Yeah, I've been spending an awful lot of time with him this past couple of weeks outside work but that doesn't mean I want him to be a part of my life. I'm just being honest, please don't think of me as a bitch [ok, fair enough if you do but I'm really a nice person].
I hate leading people on. Making them think that everything's ok when it's not. But I have no choice. I have to be honest with him. I'm just actually waiting for the right time to tell him that I don't want him breaking up with his girlfriend for me because I won't be sticking around for long. I like hanging out with him now but that's it. I'm not sure if by tomorrow, I wake up and hanging out with him doesn't appeal to me anymore.
Don't let yourself get involved with me, I told him.
It's too late for that now, don't you think, he said.
It can never be too late. I keep on telling him that I'm young and I like to be young. My friends tell me that I'm stupid to even be going out with him.
Leave him alone, one of them said.
I want to leave him alone. Scratch that. I'm leaving him alone. I want to pull my shit together. What I'm doing is not right. I know that. I just need to figure out how tell him that I'm leaving him alone.
Too much dramas
I've been blogging too much but a lot of things happened lately that I just need to vent out.
I'm over it. Hanging out with them, I mean. Not hanging out with her. I can never be over that. She's my best friend. But them. I don't need that shit in my life. I care about them, yeah, but I can't just pretend that watching one of my friends fuck his life up doesn't hurt me. It does - bad. But I can't do anything. It's not my life. It's his and it gives me the shits that other people are actually more concern about his life than he is.
If he doesn't give a fuck, then why should we?
But I know deep down he's just confused. All I'm saying is I'm over it. I'm sorry but I really am. I don't like dramas and lately I've been surrounded by millions of dramas. Irregardless of what's it about - they're still dramas. And I just can't care anymore.
I won't close my doors but at the same time I won't ask them to come in.
From Sweden with love
Tom's been talking about you to his family. It's always been Nikki this and Nikki that. You'd think he's in love with you.
Frodo on MSN.
Frodo was talking to me last night telling me that he thinks Tom might like me. I think Tom's hot but I only see him as a friend. Nothing more. I can't talk to him cos he can't really speak English well - so what the fuck am I supposed to do with him?
Before I enrolled, I messaged Frodo telling him that we should enrol in a couple of classes together - he's fun to be with. So we did. He didn't tell Tom that we have two classes together next semester and now Tom wanted to know what classes I'll be taking next semester. Frodo asked me to tell Tom that we enrolled together.
I can't do that, I told him.
You guys are mates, I'm sure there's still places left in our class. If worse comes to worst, we'll tell him that we ended up in the same class by accident, I said.
Frodo then told me that Tom wants to ask me out as soon as they get back from Sweden. I don't want to. I really don't. If I went out with him, he'd probably end up wanting a relationship which I can't give. It's not fair. Even to me.
Brazil, Norway and now Sweden, I swear, I've been around [not literally, but I wish].
No comments:
Post a Comment