It's ok you'll find someone

Bam! I found him - again.


It's hard letting go

I realised that now.

I didn't cry over Johnson.

But I cried over him. Many times.

Still am.

Once again, I'm all over the place.


What is it that you REALLY want?

Tonight is one of the worst nights of my life.

I saw Mark.

Go figure what happened next.

We talked, of course.

We talked about this.

We talked about this.

Basically we talked about our past. How we screwed it up. And how we both wanted for it to work out.

Now, we both know it's too late.

I've moved on. So did he.

"What is it that you really want? You can't keep doing this to me, nikki. It's not fair."

I know. I'm sorry.

I told you never to get involve with me.

I'm too messed up right now to even think about what I want.

I did love him. I think I still do.

But I really CAN'T do anything about it.

Can't.

I think I've stressed that out enough already.

Why is it that everytime, one relationship falls apart, I run back to my ex for comfort?

I always do.

I need my comfort zone and he's always around.

Around when I was broken hearted with my ex in Manila.

Was around when I broke things with Johnson.

A lot of things changed but he isn't one of 'em.

If I can turn back time, I want him in my life.

We share the same passion. We are on the same wavelength. We make each other laugh. Mostly he laughs at me and not with me, though. We have the same objectives in life. Start a career and then have a family.

He loathes the fact that we could've been something.

Something amazing, he said.

I know that, I do.

I love the fact that he pretends to be interested in everything I have to say.

I love the fact that he agress with me a lot.

I love the fact that he's comfy enough to tell me when I'm being a bitch.

I love the fact that he tells me when I look like shit.

I love the fact that he tells me when I look good.

I love the way he looks at me. The way his eyes widen everytime he sees me.

I love the way he smiles at me, one corner twitching up.

I even love it when he winks. Just one eye dropping for a moment.

I love it when he says, "I woke the beast" everytime I turn into an evil bitch.

I love the fact that he gets along with my friends.

I love the fact that he encourages me to do well at uni so I can move to Sydney with him.

I love a lot of things about him.

ing us certain things.

But what if I passed up a good opportunity to be ridiculously happy?

"Remember when I told you that I'd like you more if you got back together with your ex ages ago? It was because I knew you were being honest. But right now, honesty is not your strongest point. "

He wanted me to be honest. But there's a lot at stake. It would break me if I break him.

He's leaving tomorrow and three people told me that I need to tell him how I feel.

Well, thanks to Jono he already knows. The bastard had him on the phone listening to our conversation when him and I were talking. So Mark pretty much knows.


But somehow he wants to hear it from me.

I'm seriously fucked up.

Warning to all: do not get involve with me. Trust me. You'll thank me later.

I am a scum in dire need of a shower.

What I would give right now for a drink.

I'm so ready to go out and just forget about my worries.