Mr. If Only

I was reading a Cosmopolitan Article about how we tend to play the What Ifs and the If Onlys as soon as one relationship falls apart. What freaks me out is the introduction of the article.

If only you didn't have to move overseas - Ouch. I moved overseas hence my ex-boyfriend and I broke up.

If only you hadn't gone on a holiday in Thailand - Ouch. Mark went on a beach holiday in Thailand and met his fiancee.

If only you didn't start your new job and met someone else - I started my new job and met someone else.

Freaky. Freaky. Freaky.

I started to think that maybe I should read the article just so I know what to do with all the unfinished relationships that I had over the past.

One story said that they both wanted different things in their lives. She wanted to settle down and he wanted to travel. She made him choose and he ended up going out and buying a backpack for himself just to make a point that he wanted to go backpacking through Europe.

After a year, she bought a unit for herself, he travelled the most of Europe and now he's asking for a second chance. They both did what they had to do and the girl is contemplating of getting back together with him. Because the emotional barriers that came with their relationship before is no longer there.

Made me think: Is it really worth it? Going back to an ex when he didn't choose you in the first place?

I guess people our age are selfish. I know I am. I won't let anyone get in the way of distracting me from what I have to do. If that had been me, I would've walked too. But it's a bit egotistical to actually come back and expects that the other person would take you back after a long time of being broken up. Trust me, I've been there.

I've played one too many If Onlys in my life I'm starting to lose count. I analyse things way too much that sometimes I foresee the future as something so repulsive that I ended up messing my current state just so I can "alter" my take on my future.

There's a term for my condition. I have yet to look it up.


Hook ups

You can tell I've been reading too much Cosmo articles lately. B got me into it. I guess it's the new terminology for Booty Call. You meet someone, you got it on and don't speak with each other during the week then you call him or he calls you again to see if you're still out during the weekend and you get it on again. No strings attached. Just pure orgasm. Apparently.

I haven't tried it. And it'll be a while before I do. I don't think Johnson will like the fact that I hook up behind his back - that's cheating. Duh.


Wall-climbing

[Or is it rock-climbing]. Whatever. I love it. Gone rock climbing with Johnson yesterday. It was so much fun. I can't believe the adrenalin rush I got from doing it. It was even better to be doing it with him. He's a natural. Not to mention his muscles bulging out everytime he climbs up. Sweet vision of him.

He taught me the basics. Went for his climb and back down. Watched me do my thing and laugh a few times when I slipped. It was fun. It really really was.

Now if only I can get my neck to stop from being sore.


How's this for laugh?

Nick and his new girlfriend are engaged. I'm not into denial or anything. After all, whatever it is that they do, I'll be happy for them both. I just don't think they thought it through that's all.

B went to see them yesterday. They haven't talked about it. Maybe it was a drunken proposal? I don't know.

Unreal.


Newsflash

Mark is coming up in a few weeks. Jono called me up yesterday busting with excitement of his best friend coming up here for his bachelor party. Since Mark doesn't have much friend in Sydney, they [Helen and Mark] decided to have their buck and hen's parties here. So Jono I suppose will be organising the buck's night and I think, I think, Mark will ask me and J to organise the hen's party. How fab. Engagement party de ja vu. Can't wait.

I'm not hung up on Mark. He's turned into a mate now. Especially since he's getting married in a little over a month.

I can't throw a hen's party for someone I barely know. J might not know it yet but I'll leave it up to her. I can take part in any of this.


Just something

My cousin got married on Saturday. Everybody was there. Even my Auntie from Brisbane went to Manila to attend the wedding - oh and the fact that she has to show everyone that she's very much in touch with her family and that she cares so much about them she's willing - along with her bum son to spend a few grand just to attend the wedding becuase they mean so much to her.

Oh, plus the fact that, "Nikki can't tear herself from her busy schedule [ie clubbing, boyfriend, friends, drinking sessions] to even drop by for a few weeks. I heard she had five weeks of holiday at uni.."

No shit, Sherlock. I had five weeks. I started back at uni last week. The wedding was on Saturday. You do the fucking math.


She always has to make me look like shit in front of everyone. Now they're all calling telling me how selfish I am to actually put my social life as my top priority. Manila is not my life anymore. I will always love the place. Will always love the people. Will always love the bars. But Gold Coast is where I'm at. Where I'll be. I'm a Gold Coaster. I think nothing can change that.

It's not like I haven't been there for a while. I was just there six months ago. What's the big fucking deal? My cousin who got married didn't have any qualms. He understood.

Sometimes, I just want to shoot people [Not like I'd do it].