Well, well, well

My life is in shits again.

I quit my job. I hated it and I didn't want to go there anymore.

I can't tell my mum because she'll kill me.

I have to pretend I have a job.

I'm looking for a new one. One that isn't physically draining to me.

And I don't know what the hell is going on.

Once again, Nikki Angara had managed to fuck up her life without even trying.

I'm just going to lay here and die.

Excuse me for a minute.


When you don't know what to do with your life

I guess you just become a bum.

I always thought I wanted to work for the hospitality industry. But now I'm not too sure.

I know I need a job but I'm not going to invest my time and energy in something that I'm not really sure I want to do for the rest of my life.

I don't know what to do. I can't be a bum for the rest of my life. I have some bills to pay and some debt to think of. I'm not too sure if I'm heading the right direction but I know that I wasn't happy with my job.

Imagine this; indicating to turn left towards the direction of your work and you can't even drive towards it.

That's what I felt like.

I put my blinkers on I just couldn't do it. I can't. I took a different route going to my work and I couldn't do it still.

It's like something's telling me not to come in to work.

Or it's just my sorry excuse not to actually feel productive today. I wouldn't know.

But I'm dying to find out what's bothering me. I can't go on doing this. It's not healthy and it's not keeping me motivated.

I feel fat, I feel lost and most of all, I feel like a total hobo.


So yeah

Amber moved in. I haven't still.

I'm procrastinating whether I should or shouldn't move in. I don't know why. I was so excited about moving in and now I'm hesitant.

I'd give it three weeks. If I still don't feel motivated enough to get my sorry ass to look for a job then I'll take it as a sign - I'm not meant to grow up just yet.

Well, one thing's for sure, Mum'll sure be happy.

I always picture myself as a successful woman wearing a powersuit but how can I honestly be successful in my job if I don't like it.

I wouldn't want to be one of those losers who wake up in the morning, have five seconds in paradise and then realise that they have to go to work and do eight hours of labour for some company they don't really like working for but still helping them get richer and richer.

I sound cynical but I can't help it.

I'm 21 and I seriously need to figure out what I want to do with my life before it's too late.

I refuse to be 26 and still all confused and disoriented with no direction in where they're heading.

I'm too bitter I can actually taste it in my mouth.