When you have a lot of time in your hands

You tend to just pull out your camera phone and start snapping away. Since I have my hands full with doing absolutely nothing, I bummed around with Amber. We both quit our jobs and dedicated our free time with catching up on watching the OC.

You think I'm kidding? Ask her. I'm serious. We bummed around for three days now watching the second season of the Marissa-Ryan-Summer-Seth drama. I stopped watching when it aired as I was busy with work and Uni and now that I have nothing better to do, I decided to convert myself and be an avid fan.

I loved the OC. Did I fail to mention that? I know that in the US Season 3 is already out but we can't wait that long. Watching the reruns is the best we can do - for now.

That and bumming around.

You take too many photos, Nikki, Amber complained.

I can't help it. What's the point of having a camera phone if you're not going to use it, right?

My point exactly.

We are such posers, Amber said about the photos on my birthday letter to her.

When all you have at the moment is free time and seasons 1 and 2 of the OC and Amber Renee and calamari and chips and chocolate drink and aircon and a dvd player and a camera phone and two recliners and Bernie's empty house and a laptop, you tend to lose your mind too.

And I thought I did. Since I am a confessed poser, I started to play with myself [not in a dirty kind of way, mind you].

I was pissed off? I wasn't. I just pretended that I was.

I even took a shot of me strangling myself. How sad is that? Wait, don't answer that.

You tend to just really enjoy yourself when you see the ridiculous photos that you've taken.

Bernie joined in after.

Let's take a photo, I sang out. In a minute, she took out her hair tie and posed for my camera.

Nice.

Ok, now we're sad, Amber said.

That explains the puppy dog looks.

And now we're happy, I said. I've turned my girlfriends into camera whores. It's not my fault really. That's just how we are.

Ever since high school. We took cameras to school and snapped away. We had it developed and just share it around the group.

I really don't know what brought on our obsession with cameras but I like how it always turns out.

Mr. Brightside

The song that Amber made me like. Now it's stuck in my head and the words really hit home.

[ex boyfriend's name here] is Mr. Brightside, Amber said.

Mark is my Mr. Brightside, I thought.

Coming out of my cage
And I've been doing just fine
Gotta gotta be down
Because I want it all
It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this?
It was only a kiss
It was only a kiss

Now I'm falling asleep
And she's calling a cab
While he's having a smoke
And she's taking the drag

Now they're going to bed
And my stomach is sick
And it's all in my head
But she's touching his chest now

He takes off her dress now
Let me go
And I just can't look
It's killing me
And taking control

Jealousy
Turning saints into the sea
Turning through sick lullaby
Joking on your alibi
But it's just the price I pay
Destiny is calling me
Open up my eager eyes
I'm Mr. Brightside

And it's his birthday tomorrow. I'm not sure what will happen when he comes for a visit.

Mum, Mark asked me to live in Sydney with him, I said.

Do you love him, she asked.

I want him to be my boyfriend but he's too far away, I replied.

Then, don't waste your time, she said.

Men shouldn't even make you think. They should just be there, she added.

I know but it's complicated, I argued.

Then he's not worth it, if you think it's complicated before it even gets complicated, you don't think he's worth fighting for, she countered.

So I shouldn't bother, I asked.

You only have to ask two questions, one, do you love him? Two, can you fight for him, she said.

I know the answer to the two questions.

Question 1: Yes, I love him.

Question 2: No, I can't fight for him.

He's too far away and you all know what happened the first and last time I had a long-distance relationship. I don't want to go there again. Especially with Mark. There's so much to lose.

So you know you have something special, Jewel said.

What do you mean, I asked.

Cos you don't want to gamble it. You know what you have is special and you're not willing to take the chance, she replied.

You don't want to be in a relationship with Mark because you know that there's so much to lose if things didn't work out, she added.

That's why you take risks, Nikki. He did, she said.

You know what's wrong with you, you like a challenge, Amber snapped.

You like the fact that you have to work hard to get what you want but when you get it, you fuck it off, she added.

You're always confused. From guys, to work, even on eating dinner you get confused, Bernie said.

Just take it one day at a time, my cousin Carlo said.

You wouldn't want to rush into things would you, he asked.

If the guy really likes you, he'll wait, he added.

But I think he's waited enough.

Yeah, it sucks that I'm 25 and my work is a bitch but the only thing that keeps me from being suicidal is you.

Yeah, it's not really romantic but I get what he means.

Do us all a favour and just be with him, make it your birthday present for him, he'll love it cos he loves you, J urged.

The thing is, after all that, I still can't bring myself to commit.