The gray area

I haven't seen Emmet for almost a week now.

We still talk and catch up over the phone. But to think that we live only twenty minutes from each other and neither of us is trying to compromise is a big worry.

I'm too busy and he has to deal with his own thing as well, whatever that is.

We'll make plans to meet up and neither of us would follow it up. It's just not happening.

I don't think there's anything there and to be quite honest, I'm not fazed. It's a shame because I actually like the guy.

I like him. I really really do, but it's just not worth it.

I don't think my feelings for him are enough for me to actually put up with it. Why do I have to deal with acting like a really devoted girlfriend who checks on him once in a while and calls him my baby when deep down I sigh when I pick up my phone to call him.

I'm beginning to feel like checking up on him and having a chat with him is more like a chore rather than something I'm really keen to do.

He'd call and ask me what I'm upto and I'd launch into a litany of complaints about how I'm too tired or I have to crash early cos I have an early start the next day.

Just so I don't have to actually get up in bed and drive over to see him.

I'm not brokenhearted. I've gotten stronger. And it made me deal with break ups a lot easier.

But the thing is, I don't think we're breaking up. We're just drifting apart.

And the scary thing is, I'm just sitting here watching it happen.

Some men would make you get up in the morning and put a smile on your face.

Emmet is the sole reason why I want to be in bed and stay there for a very long time.

He's like a part-time job that I have to get to for a few hours a week.

And I think I want to file for resignation.