My super emote days

I've been so depressed lately I've been bingeing on anything I lay my eyes on.

I wouldn't be surprised if I put on five kilos.

Don't be stupid. You've worked so hard to lose weight it's stupid if you're going to put it back on because of a stupid guy, you stupid girl, Carlo said.

He's right. His cousin is stupid.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Oh yeah, you should wear a shirt that says I'm with stupid, I said.

Once again, stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

You're not stupid, he said.

I am stupid. I'm stupid enough to fall enough in love again and give love a go.

You can't honestly say you were in love with him, he said.

The truth is, I think I liked him more than I thought. Otherwise, how else can you explain the fact that I'm still hurting?

You weren't in love. You were just overwhelmed, he said.

Yep, I was overwhelmed.

I was overwhelmed because I thought he was different.

Why are you hurting anyway? You were the one who ended things with him, he asked.

I ended things with him because I was mad at him. Not because I stopped liking him.

Definitely not because I stopped liking him.

There you go, and now you can't take it back, he said sympathetically.

I don't need sympathy. I don't need anything to be quite honest. I just want to be alone and cry over my failed relationship.

With everything that happened, I think I deserve to cry over it. Then I'll dry my tears and move on with my life.

How am I supposed to move on if I couldn't even cry over it?

Have you cried over it, he asked.

Yep. Yes I have. Plenty of times.

Well, then dry your tears and move on with your life. Focus on something productive. Like take up a class or have a haircut, he said.

I already had a haricut. I now have a woman's mullet. It looked good but even my haircut reminded me of him.

Because I changed my hair for him. The way he shaved his head for me.

Go out and get drunk, he said.

I can't even do that. Because when I get drunk now, I'm reminded of how he took care of me when the girls and I went out with him and his friends. And I got really drunk - and he took me to bed and fed me Krispy Kremes.

I inflict pain on myself. I know it hurts me to think of him but I just couldn't help it.

Not only is my heart broken but my self-esteem and confidence had gone really low.

The thing is, other people think I played him. With the way I broke up with him.

He's not a Happy Meal toy Nikki, one of my friends said.

Just cos you get tired of him doesn't give you the right to flick him and just move on to a much more exciting toy, he added.

I didn't get tired of him. It was the opposite actually. I wanted to see more of him because I was falling more in like with him.

Then to add salt on my wound my cousin did the unthinkable. I'm beginning to think if he's really out for my best interest or not.

Download that song from Regine Velasquez [a Filipino singer], he said.

Dadalhin kita sa aking Palasyo, I cringed.

Stupid me, I downloaded it and I started bawling my eyes out.

Then I realised how pathetic I must've looked.

Ok, no more tears. Wipe it up, Nikki and move on, I told myself.

This will be the last entry about Emmet.

I promise you guys that much.


On Hook ups

I went out with Amber on Monday.

I went out with Amber and Bernie last night.

I think it's true what they say. Alcohol does make the pain go away.

I just want to add three people on my hook up list this year.

Hook-ups: 5

There. At least I'm getting my self-esteem back.