So overdramatic

I hate myself for being such a drama queen.

I hate dramas. And I hate heart aches and complications.

But they seem to love me.

On Sunday, I got a message on MSN from him.

He wanted to know if we can be friends.

I'm sorry. I don't stay friends with my exes, I said.

And neither do you, I added.

I know but you are such a cool chick, so sweet and a genuine person. You have a heart of gold, he said.

Yeah, I guess that's why I always get treated like crap, I said.

Me too, he said.

I don't mind being friends with you, he added.

If you think I have a heart of gold, then why didn't you take care of it, I wanted to ask.

If you think I'm a genuine person then why did you feed me with all the bullshit, I wanted to yell out.

But yet, all I said was, No I don't think it's a good idea for us to be friends, it's just hard to stay friends with someone you have feelings for.

I'm not going to break my rule for him.

Not for now, for later, he asked.

No sorry, I don't think so, I said.

What about on MSN, he asked.

If you catch me online, then yeah we can talk, I replied.

But I highly doubt that I'll talk to him on MSN. Not only because I'm busy but also the fact that I have far more important people to talk to.

I guess it's better this way, you really deserve better, he said.

Yeah, I do.

I just want to tell you that if ever you need someone to talk to I'm here, he said.

That pushed my button. Bad. How dare he feeds me with the I'm-here-if-you-need-me line when that was exactly the reason I broke up with him?

That he wasn't there for me. At all.

No you're not, that's why I broke up with you remember, I snapped.

The last message I got from him was, I'm sorry you feel that way.

Then he went offline.

Guilt washed over me. He doesn't deserve my wrath. Being a bitch to him wouldn't change what happened.

I want to handle this break up in a mature way. So I messaged him, Hey sorry for being a bit cold to you on MSN, I'm just telling you that if you need to talk or to be cheered up, I'm here for you as well, take care always.

It didn't make me feel better but at least he knows I have no hard feelings towards what happened.

He doesn't need to know that I stay up late at night thinking about him. And that I've shed more than a few tears on him.

He definitely doesn't need to know that.

Not thinking about him is actually harder than I thought.


I'm a true-blue cancer

I dropped off Keegan and Phoebe in Southport on Sunday night.

I told them that I just broke up with my boyfriend.

What? I can't tell from your face. You still look happy, Phoebe said.

I guess, I'm really like that. I never ever show my true feelings. When I'm at work, I don't tell anyone what's bothering me.

No one needs to know that my heart is breaking. I separate business from pleasure.

Everyone thought I'm doing fine. I put a great front.

Sometime it makes me wonder; Am I in denial of the pain. Because I am in pain. I just don't want to show it.

I don't people to think I'm weak who can't handle a break up. Because I can.

I guess it comes with my star sign. I never ever show my true emotions to just anyone.

Except to the people I trust.


When a stranger calls

I hate prank calls. I never liked them.

I especially hate people calling on private number. I never answer them.

So when Iris, J and I decided to watch When A Stranger Calls, I didn't know it would be freaky.

I knew it was sort of a thriller but I never thought it would push some of my fear buttons.

Freaking hell, I had a nightmare last night, J messaged me this morning.

Remember when the police called her and told her the call is coming from inside the house, I can't get that out of my head, she continued.

Hang on, let me get my keys so I don't have to look for it when I'm alone outside, Iris said when I dropped her off. She stayed in my car to fish for her keys and she was just about to get ready to get out of my car and run towards her house.

I called my mum and asked her to wait up for me and to open the garage door for me so I don't have to get out of the car and open it myself.

We were too freaked out that I'm positive we'll stick to comedy genre next time.

We are three silly, silly girls.