This so contradicts my previous post

A beautiful lie.

I am lying to everyone I love.

Telling them I'm happy and I'm contented with how I live my life.

But there's one person that knows the truth. The truth about how I want to be treated as a girlfriend. About how I want my significant other to be there for me physically and emotionally all the time.

That I shouldn't feel guilty about having to ask for help.

One person. And he's been in my life for a good number of months now. Maybe even a year and half.

If you have been reading my blog, you might have a vague idea who he is.

He makes me happy. He gives me a reason to wake up in the morning with the biggest smile on my face.

Yes, he's been in my life for a year and a half. Our relationship never spawned into a romance.

But you can cut the sexual tension with a knife.

It's hot and I can't stop thinking about it. Although Emmet and I are ok, and I love him, I'm not going to deny the fact that I have feelings for this guy.

Serious feelings. There, I said it.

I think it's time to admit to myself and to everyone that I want him. It's too hard trying to hide the feelings now.

But I'm lying to him too. The only person who knows the truth is Amber - one of my best friends.

Mainly because I know she won't judge me. She doesn't approve of course. She wants me to forget about it and focus on Emmet.

It will pass, you just need to reconnect with Emmet, she said.

I know it will pass if I let it. I know I can forget about him. Move on and just be with Emmet - a relationship so strained I don't know which way is up anymore.

But do I want it to pass? Do I want to be with Emmet - a guy so closed off I don't know how many skeletons he actually have in his big-ass closet.

Maybe this is THE guy.

I can't be honest these days.

I'm trying not to lead him on.

I'm trying to be faithful to Emmet.

I'm trying not to fall in love with this guy.

I'm trying not to fall out of love with Emmet.

Trying. Trying. Trying.

I need to make up my mind.