He said

I sent a message to Regan thanking him for keeping me occupied while getting over my ex.

He constantly messages me. Random messages like, ABC as easy as 123.

Or, Chicken Adobo.

It's always stupid messages that put a smile on my tired face.

I have completely given up on any reconcilliation with my ex. I don't think he'll call and to be honest, I wouldn't know what to say anyway.

Plus my hormones are under control so that means I'm no longer wallowing and crying over him.

Victory for Nikki. Step one: Denial - completed.

Anyway this was how the conversation went down:

R: Keeping you occupied?

Me: I meant making me less lonely.

R: I did it because I like you, it made me happy.

I stopped messaging as I was getting ready for a night out with Wai and Rana.

Then came his next message;

R: You know what sucks when you have to move away from someone to know how much you like them. When they're no longer close by.

Me being *woosh* [think ten minutes before the lightbulb went off]

Me: What's the supposed to mean?

R: It means I miss YOU and I want YOU

Me: I just wanted you to say it.

R: How does that sit with you?

Me: You know I've liked you for ages.

R: Yeah but I feel the power of that now even stronger even though I cannot see you. Do you understand?

Me: Yea.

I was out having dinner wth Wai and he warned me not to say anything stupid. That starting something with a guy who lives too far away from me is not only stupid but also an opportunity for further heartache.

So I sent him my last text message;

Me: We can't do anything about it now. But you know I'll always have feelings for you.

I turned off my off as we were on our way to the movies to watch the new Indy movie. So naturally, when the movie finished I turned on my phone and a message popped up.

R: Thanks.

I don't know what else to say. This is the guy that liked me for a long time. That waited patiently while I was sorting things out with my ex.

He knew I chose my ex over him - countless of times. Everytime my ex and I would break up I'd ran to him for support. He, to me, was just an ear I can chew off by complaining and moaning about my ex.

We'd get close then my ex would come back and I'd drop him. Telling him that I want to try my luck with my ex again.

Everytime I would do that, his reply was just, "Ok.. you know where to find me."

Then at the beginning of the year, I turned to him again. He said that I can't keep jerking him around.

That I can't keep running to him everytime I'm lonely and then to just leave him when everything is fine and dandy again with my ex.

Then I found out he had a girlfriend.

He kept it from me knowing that he and I will never be together.

I just can't say no to you. Whenever you send me a text saying hey, I scramble to reply back only to wait for an unresponded text.

Then he left for Darwin without saying goodbye.

I told him to keep in touch because I don't want to lose him.

The he proposed.

Marriage.

He proposed to me to which I said no, of course.

And now he's telling me that moving away was a bad decision because he misses me and wants to be with me.

Him telling me that made me realise that I miss him too. And I want to be with him.

I want to be with him. To at least give it a shot.

I'm beating myself up for giving my ex so many chances when Regan was just patiently waiting for me to make up my mind.

And when he decided he could no longer wait for me, I left my good for nothing boyfriend.

And now he's in Darwin, and I can't do anything about it now. In December he'll be moving to Dubai and who knows when I'll see him again.

Leave it to Nikki to plunge headfirst into the pit that is called love.