R and I had
1. Forever Young - OC soundtrack
2. ABC as easy as 123 - Jackson 5
He hasn't spoken to me for almost two months. We both agreed not to contact each other because, it's
Last week though I received a call from him.
In the afternoon.
I picked up and then came the hysterical voice on the other end of the line, "it's our song!!"
It was him.
He put his phone near the speakers,
"ABC AS EASY AS 123 AS SIMPLE AS DO RE MI, ABC 123 BABY YOU AND ME!!"
Came little Michael's voice.
I sat there, with a cigarette in one hand listening, all the while smiling to myself thinking, how corny, he's listening to a radio station for oldies.
I just sat there listening.
Then came, "ok bye.."
The. Dude. Hung. Up. On. Me.
He hung up on me after the song ended. No, "so how's things with you??". Nothing.
How weird.
People do the craziest things.
Could just imagine it: Song comes on the radio.
Guy dials my number.
Guy says, "it's our song".
Guy lets me listen to the song.
Guy realizes he hates me.
Guy then says, "ok bye.."
Guy bangs his head against the wall for being stupid (ok, this part is just speculation!).
I shrugged my shoulders and went back to the learning centre.
I find it really weird why he did that.
He decided to not talk anymore.
He said I should let him move on, which I did.
I miss him like crazy but I never messaged him nor call him.
None of those stuff.
I never pulled the "I'm sorry I accidentally sent you a message meant to be for a friend. anyway, how you been?" message.
He told me he didn't want to talk anymore and I respected that.
The last words I said to him were: It would've been great to have gotten together, but I gained a friend so it's still all good.
His last words were: Let me move on. It's not fair that you keep reeling me back in. If I'm your friend you're gona let me be happy.
Which I did. I miss him everyday but I never call him to respect his wishes.
But I would get an occasional texts in the middle of the night saying, "I'm missing you really bad. I wish you were in my arms."
To which I never replied. My heart still skips a beat everytime I get a message from him but when Guy asks you to stop calling him, you don't call him.
He never tried calling - only texts. To which I don't reply.
How can you have the control of not calling your exes, a friend asked.
I don't know.
I've always been like that.
I would have my cry. I'd do my fair share of text messages asking if there's anything else we can do to save the relationship.
But the end will always come and smack you in the face and once I've been smacked, I accept it.
I never try calling them again.
Never message them.
Never talk to their friends.
To me, they no longer exist.
A few friends say it's bitchy.
I say, "everyone has a moving on process, and this is mine."
Anyway, back to Guy.
After not hearing from me after he hung up on me, he messaged me again with, "it hurts me that it's easy for you to not talk to me. maybe you never really cared about me."
It was a bait.
I know that for sure. He wants me to tell him that I cared about him, still care about him and we'd talk again and be back to square one.
But he deserves more than that. He deserves better than that.
He deserves to find a girl he can physically be with, who isn't flaky and who doesn't go to the bathroom a lot.
He deserves better than me.
I finally sent him a text, "you'll be fine". I also added a little x and an o just to sound a little less harsh.
I know it's mean to just bluntly say, "you'll be fine" but I just believe God will give him someone much better than me and the same applies to me.
But how can we meet that someone if we're stuck in this limbo?
We need to get away from this to prepare ourselves for that someone, otherwise, we're both screwed.
Both stuck in this stunted situation - if that.
Hopefully this will end the emotional hurricane that we've been in over the past two years.
I'm getting ready for the next chapter. For the next year.
I can't wait to find out what sort of shit I will get myself into.
Or where will I get my next stamp on my passport from.
Or what sort of interesting people I will meet along the way.
Which friends will stick and which friends will bite the dust.
Will I finally meet russell crowe or colin farrell next year or should I keep waiting? (ok this is wishful thinking)
Will I finally figure out what I want to do with my life?
Am I finally going to be able to watch Grant Hill play before his left foot gets fucked up again?? (Last NBA game I saw was with Pacers and Knicks back when Patrick Ewing was dripping sweat like a mofo and Reggie Miller was hitting nothing but net.)
A lot of things can happen, a lot of possibilities.
We just have to let it go to make room for these possibilities.
He knows that.
We both do.
I just hope he doesn't think that I'm a total bitch with a hollow tin chest.
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