The sweetest thing

You always have a strong hold on my heart.

And no matter how hard I shake it off, I just can't seem to.

I don't know if we'll ever get back together again. But I don't ever want to know that we never could. 

I don't know if you are my karma but I just can't seem to get over you. Everytime you message me, my heart skips a beat. I still enjoy talking to you and joking around with you. You know, just like the old times. You were my best friend. I remember going out with you and drinking. Walking in the middle of the road in Surfers. Kissing me like I'm the only girl in the world.

I remember walking along Surfers, holding hands. You stopped me outside the clock tower. Cupped my face with both of your hands and kissed me like I was the only one that mattered. You looked straight into my eyes and you told me you loved me. And at that moment, I believed you. 

I don't know if it was our age. Our inability to fight for our feelings mainly because we didn't really have much to offer. But we gave up. It was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do. I seriously thought I would die. I never felt so alone in my life. After you left, I lost a partner. A best friend. A drinking buddy. A confidante. A housemate. A crush.

My heart was broken in a million pieces.

It took me a while to get over you.

I think I'm still getting over you. I don't think my feelings ever went away. I know you're over me. I know you've moved on. I'm so happy for you. You deserve the best and you deserve to be happy. But I can't help but wish that you be happy with me. That I'm the one for you.

That I'm the one you belong to.

We never really talked about forever but deep down I knew you were the one. It makes me so sad that you're so far away and you don't even want to be friends. 

I still pray for you. I still wish you the best. I love you so much that I even pray for your happiness with somebody else. It didn't even have to be with me. Just as long as you're happy, I'll be happy.

I pray that you come back. That we can have another chance. And maybe this time we will fight for it. 

But I know God has a plan for me. For you. 

It may not be what we want. It may not be what I want. But I have to accept it. And I need to put my trust in God that in due time, I will find the happiness that I deserve. 

I don't know if i'll ever fully let you go. A part of me hopes that you come back. I don't think I will ever find another man who can understand me the way you did. Who can have fun with me the way you did. Who can speak casually to me the way you did. 

Ugh. I don't know why I'm feeling this way. 

I guess, I just... miss you.

❤️