Can someone gobble me up alive?

Before anything else, can I just say that my stalking days are over. I've never been so humiliated in my whole life. I can still hear laughter in my head. So here's what happened... I was at the Learning Centre trying to finish my Yield Management report. Guess who was sitting on the bench opposite the vending machine with his laptop and looking ultra-cute in his white striped shirt, denim shorts and Birkenstock sandals? Yep, him. I walked over to the vending machine to get something to munch while I do my research. Ok, so I did go over there intentionally when I saw him sitting there. Happy??

Anyway, I saw him looked at me and I was thinking to myself, "Hey, if this goes well, I will borrow his lecture notes." So in my attempt to be super cool, I sat on the other bench tinkering with my mobile phone and munching away when I saw the Chinese chic looking at me. I was half hidden in one of the giant poles and I saw her craned her neck to get a better view of me. I walked off and went to a different building when I heard an eruption of laughter. Now I know I can't be sure whether it actually came from them or the laughter was from a different group of students talking about a completely different topic but I actually had goosebumps all over me. I really believe it was them laughing and I was the target of their ridicule. I was so embarrassed. I went to the toilet and collected myself. I realized what a loser I must be. I'm helplessly in like with this guy and I just made an ass out of myself. To make matters worse, I had to go back to the building because I left the computer on and my stuff were still there which means that I would have to walk pass them again. In my whole uni life, that was the first time I dreaded walking pass him. It's amazing how humiliation can knock sense out of you.

So I walked over to the Learning Centre and managed not to make eye contact with any of them. I didn't even sneak a glance. I walked pass like I didn't know them. I deserved an Oscar, ok I'll settle for an Emmy for that. It was too much. My face was burning and I knew I can't face them ever again.

The stalking concluded.

Boo-boos go away

It's amazing how time heals all wounds. In my attempt to sleep, I unearthed my little "memory box". In it were love letters from different boyfriends. Pictures of friends, boyfriends and relatives. Christmas cards from my dad from Canada. Drafts of my blog entries and my true blue Dear Diary journal. Over the years, I managed to used three blank notebooks, now filled with Nikki's daily takes on life, love and how much them two suck.

I started writing my Dear Diary journal when I came across the Sweet Valley High series. My fascination with Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield started at second-grade when she lent me her Sweet Valley Kids book. Their friendship mesmerized me. Thanks to these books I developed to being a drama queen. At nine, I moved to reading Sweet Valley Twins and Friends. Elizabeth's sort-of-boyfriend Todd Wilkins tickled my fancy. I would talk on the phone with her for hours trying to organize how to swap books without getting in trouble with our respective parents. At twelve, I knew I wanted to be a writer - to be able to provide amusement to another twelve year-old bookworm. I adored Francine Pascal. I've read every book this genius had ever written. Sweet Valley University didn't do for me but I read every single book.

Between the twins, I find Elizabeth intriguing. She was portrayed as the perfect twin yet when you read her diary, she was the one cheating on her boyfriend - sometimes even with Jessica's boyfriend. Something about how naughty her actions were written on her diary tickled me so. That's when I decided to write my own journal. At thirteen I didn't have much to write except Carlo made me so angry I kicked him. I hate my mum. She yelled at me for not finishing my dinner.

Keeping a journal became handy when I started to have a boyfriend. I was fourteen when I started seeing my first boyfriend. I was so in love with him. I was sure he was the one - SURPRISE!! I told him that I'll never love anyone as much as I had loved him. Big shock there. I pomised him the stars, the moon, the gawd dang earth. I'll let you in some of my thoughts with him. This was written on our, ahem last weeks...

November 03, 1998 - Tuesday, Just stayed home. I broke up with him.
November 04, 1998 - Wednesday, Watched Parent Trap at Greenbelt.
November 05, 1998 - Thursday, Insomnia daw, I just stayed home. Kami na ulit.

Kaloka diba?

November 06, 1998 - Friday, Watched Ever After with him. I love him so much.
November 08, 1998 - Sunday, It's over between me and him. FOR GOOD!
November 10, 1998 - Tuesday, Nawawala ang I.D. ko. I talked to O***** (some guy.) kilig ako.

November 14, 1998 - Saturday - Y***'s birthday. I swallowed my pride and called him up.

November 17, 1998 - Tuesday - My 7th month Anniversary with him. Yes! He's falling again.

November 18, 1998 - Wednesday - I really love him.

Trust me, my daily accounts til late January was all about him. We broke up. We made up. I hate him. I love him forever. I'm letting go. Hindi ko pa tanggap. I was laughing when I finished reading it. It kind of mended my bruised ego (from what happened this afternoon). Even the way I wrote about my feelings for him was so childish. I've written ILY forever. Tight hugz. Ohmahgawd, I should go to jail for being so corny.

I don't know how to end this really long entry. Wait I'll check my memory box for something corny...

Ah, I'll end this by saying... Ciao for now. Take care cos I care. I Trust And Love You and Just Always Pray At Night.

*tight hugz*