"You're an idiot," my cousin told me last night. "How can you not love the Revenge of the Sith?"

Maybe because I don't really like Star Wars. I willed myself to watch Episode II over two years ago with my Dad. I didn't get it. I don't think I ever will.

This is one of the moments when I wish I could be a die-hard Star Wars fan. Just like I wished I could be a die-hard Matrix fan. Or a die-hard Harry Potter fan. Or a die-hard Lord of the Rings fan. Just so I can get all hyped up with the hysteria of seeing Darth Vader, Queen Amidala, Yoda, Anakin - Or Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen.

I'm an outsider when it comes to these sorts of things. I've never been the one to follow a trilogy. Or a saga, Star Wars-wise.

J went and watched the first two movies before rushing over to the cinema to watch the third installment. She called me straight after she finished watching it and vowed to watch it again - with me. Nyak!

My cousin in Manila called me up just so I can hear his Yoda imitation.

Honestly, I'd rather talk about Amazing Race, American Idol and Without a Trace. But somehow Yoda and the gang managed to turn their fans' brains into mush. I'm not happy.

Please, please let it be over so we can all go back to being normal.

+ + + +

"You're hiding something from me," C said.

"How do you know?"

"Kasi di mo pa inaamin na love mo si *Muay Boy* eh."

"Honestly, I don't. If I loved him, I never would've had the guts to cut him out."

"Love mo. Lahat ng ginaganyan mo, mahal mo."

"I don't think so."

"What will it take for you to just accept the fact that you love him?"

"Run me under hot water and bang my head on the table?"

"You're being sarcastic. Mahal mo nga!"

How the hell did he know?

+ + + +

I'm so exhausted from thinking I need time off.

Pack your bags, ladies. We're going to Brisbane next week and get blind-drunk.

+ + + +

My cousins are still making a big deal about their bora trip. I'm getting all jealous and it makes me want to go to Manila for six weeks on my break. But I can't afford it.

Don't you just hate being broke?

My mum said to look at positive things in your life that you're grateful for rather than the negatives.

Fine then, I will.

Pause. I do have a lot of things to be grateful for.

+ + + +

I have a lot of quirks. I do have a quirky personality. Sometimes I can be a pain in the ass. I have this astonishing capability to bounce back from any setback. But most of all I'm uptight.

J pointed that out to me. "You're uptight, Nikki. You care so much about what people think about you. Be a little free once in a while."

That had me thinking. I thought back on events in my life. I realised I am uptight. I don't show affections to anyone because I worry on what people might think of me. I pick the clothes I wear carefully because I don't want people to say stuff about me.

I always do what people expect me to do because I don't like to disappoint.

I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Me worrying too much about what people think. People who only pass by and will never see again.

Maybe I need to loosen up a bit.

Like maybe not take a shower for a week and walk around uni with wrinkled shirt and unwashed pants. Not caring what people think about me.

Oh, wait. That persona is already taken. If I'm uptight, then German Guy is definitely, definitely not.