A YM conversation with someone I love to hate but can't

My cousin.

C: Nix, can I ask you a series of questions?

Me: If it's personal, I'll pass...

C: Hindi, it's just questions. We haven't done it for a while.

Me: Ayt, let's do it.

C: If you were a virgin, who would you lose it to?

Me: Freddie Prinze Jr. No doubt.

C: Ok. If you were set to walk down the aisle, who would be the man waiting for you at the altar?

Me: My fiance?

C: Tanga mo. Sino nga?

Me: Dude, I don't know. Maybe I haven't met him yet.

C: Sige, if you were pregnant, will you keep it or get rid of it?

Me: Man, that's personal. I'd say I want to keep it.

C:Really? I never really thought of you having a kid.

Me: Thanks, man.

C: No, really. You're so career driven, you won't have any maternal instinct in you.

Nikki has logged out.

A YM conversation with someone I love to hate but can't part II

Moto lit up. SMS message from my cousin.

Kidding. You'll be a great mother. Sign back in.

I signed back in.

Me: What?

C: Sorry sorry. My bad.

Me: Yeah, you're bad. What?

C: OK, What are you doing home on friday night anyway?

Me: Studying. three down, one more to go and I'm a free woman for five fucking weeks. Yay!

C: Nerd.

Me: This is the nerd that'll put up a resto there and will be your business partner in the years to come, so don't talk shit.

C: Stress?

Me: Ya think? I've been smoking heaps lately it's not even funny. Everytime I buy a pack of smokes, I always get the "SMOKING KILLS" government warning. It makes me want to smoke more. Say hello to cancer.

C: Alam ni tita?

Me: Shempre hindi.

C: I'll tell her.

Me: Fine, tell her. I'll tell your mum you're not enrolled this semester.

C: Please don't. She'll kill me if she found out.

Me: It's all good. It's not your fault you fucked up your studies just cos of a stupid girl.

C: It's not just a stupid girl.

Me: Ya, the love of your life. I've never been like that. Not depressed enough to fuck up my future.

C: Maybe you haven't been that much in love.

Me: Well, if that's what love does, then I'm lucky I haven't.

C: You're too bitter, Nix. What happened to you?

Me: Let's see, I was born then twenty years later, I was bitter.

C: And sarcastic too.

Me: You're gona be alright. Don't think too much about it. You'll get back to your feet don't worry.

C: I don't know. I wana go there. Sana makapunta na ko dyan.I wana get the hell out of here. Ang tagal na din eh. Di parin nawawala.

Me: Just give it more time.

C: Bakit ikaw wala na? Bakit sakin meron pa, mas nauna pa ko sayo.

Me: Cos there's so much more to hate than there is to love in my case.

C: Swerte mo.

I hate it when he gets all emotional. I can't really do anything but just be there for him. When he messaged me this afternoon asking me if I'm online. I had to get online to just talk to him. I know he needed someone. He's messed up right now and it's killing me that he's still hung up on that bitch.

I feel guilty too. Cos now he's wondering why he still hasn't able to get back on his feet.

I know he will. It's just a matter of time. He's just beating himself up and kept coming back for more that's why he hasn't been able to move on. He's still hoping that somehow she'll take him back and everything will be all perfect. I've told him countless of times to let it go. It's not worth it. But he doesn't listen to me.

I hate to feel sorry for him. But I do. I told him that if he can do this, he can do anything. I should just be there for him all the time. I realised how selfish I've been for the past months. I went AWOL at yahoo. My other cousin had been bombarding me with offline messages as well as my mates in Manila. I've been busy with my social life to even take notice that one of the people I care about the most is still an emotional wreck.

I need to listen more.