I did promise pictures

But we all forgot to bring a camera - well, I did. The apartment was beautiful - we got to spend the entire weekend altogether - minus Tiana and Amber, but I'll get to that later. Had to cancel the party for Saturday night as we were being rowdy and out of control on Friday night [imagine singing Leave(Get Out) at the top of our lungs]. We had the securtiy knocking on our door at 8am the next day. Took my credit card details - told us to pick up the cigarette butts and chicken bones and bottles of alcohol on the lawn, which we didn't do, of course.

I was off my face on Friday night - seven cans of Smirnoff Vodka, I was gone.

Good thing there weren't any guys last night otherwise I would've slept with one of 'em, I said to Bernie the next day. That had us laughing. It was a joke, by the way.

I remembered vomitting three times - I couldn't remember anything anymore after that. The place was awesome. Wouldn't mind doing it again in the future. I swear, my liver is a bit sore now. My lungs are in its last breath. My muscles are ready to give up and my eyes are drooping. I haven't had a decent sleep since Wednesday - it's crazy.

All I'm saying is I now who my true friends are - it takes one big blowup to realise who'll stick by you and who won't.

Weighing things

I'm still weighing things. Last night, I met up with him in Broadbeach to have dinner. It was a bit awkward - he was being all possessive and protective and making me feel guilty for not eating the food that I ordered [i ate macaroni chicken salad before I left, i wasn't in the mood to eat anymore.."].

You drink too much, he said.

You smoke too much and you don't eat, what are you doing to your body, he demanded.

Uhmm.. I like to think that I'm living a healthy life - i'm not an alco, far from it. I don't smoke all by myself. I'm a social smoker - I just happen to have a very active social life, that's all. And I EAT - trust me I do. I can eat him if I wanted to. He thinks I'm skinny [you gotta love the man for saying that]. He wanted me to quit smoking because I stink of cigarette - duh. He got pissed off at the waiter for trying to flirt - he was all, "yeah mate, we're on a date."

Went for a drive over to Palm Beach after that - introduced me to his best friend. He was hot - so hot. He was telling me that I was exactly what he expected. He was looking at me and shaking his head and saying over and over that I was exactly what he was expecting - I don't know if that was good or bad, I'd take it was good.

The best friend was telling him that he got himself a good one this time - I got the approval of the best friend. When I was introduced to him, he came up to me and gave me a hug. He was warm and caring. I liked him straight away. He is the only one who knows that we're together [R and I]. I'm scared that I might be falling for him - yet I don't want to. I'll see him again tonight - I need to make a decision. If I wanted to keep him or not.

He's a hot kisser. I don't mind kissing him for hours that's for sure. There are just some certain things I need to sort out before I fully commit to this guy - I feel like I'm in a relationship. A part of me wanted to be in one but another part wanted me to just fool around, finish my undergrad, finish my postgrad and move to a state capital to start my career. I can't afford a distraction right now. But he is one hell of a distraction - he calls and I jump. I come running every single time. I don't show it to him, of course but I'm excited every time we'd meet up. It's weird. I feel so secure around him. I'm not yet in love - I'll tell you if I am.

And I'm the one who won't finish my uni

I gotta laugh.

You said I'd fall pregnant. That I won't finish my degree and become a single mum. You said I wouldn't make anything out of myself. You did say that I can't go and be successful in my life. That I'm all fucked up and all I care about is partying and friends and vices. You bragged that your son will take up law or architecture or some shit - I was proud, he is my cousin after all. You said that I can't match up to my father's expectation. That I'm a good for nothing.

Well, I shouldn't be laughing.

But I am, anyway. What can I say, I'm a bitch. Who's going to uni now? And who sits on his ass at home being a total bum and not even getting a job? Who wanted to have a break from studying? Who will be the unfortunate one who won't go to uni?

Uh-huh. That's right. It ain't me.

Sometimes you do swallow more that you can chew.

I just had to thank you, though. For making me feel like a total shit and made me want to finish my degree so I can drive all the way to Brisbane and bitch slap you with my diploma. I'm spewing. I gotta stop.