Makeover

Yeah, yeah. I've gone a little overboard. I went back to liking pink and bright colours again. I feel like I need to do something productive. I feel restless and miserable. I feel like something's missing so I went ahead and do something to shake off the feeling.. But somehow, I still feel like I need to do something for myself.

Hmm... Let's see..

Do something active? Check. Been going back to working out everyday. Almost close to losing the three kilos I vowed to get rid of before my 21st.

Do something social? Check. Have been going out with friends nonstop. Barhopping, playing pool with girlfriends and pals at uni. Going for drinks. The works. Haven't had the time to blog about what's been going on everytime we hit clubs.

Have some alone time? Check. Been spending a lot of time by myself as well. Been catching up on my reading - finally finished the Da Vinci Code. It took me a month. Well, I got distracted but I finally finished it. Phew. I've watched reruns of Friends over and over. Watched all my fave series on TV. EVERYTHING.

Spend time with Mum? Check. She's everywhere. In the morning, she's there. Before I leave the house, she's there. I get home, she's there. Before I go to sleep, she's there.

Get in contact with my friends in Manila? Check. Been updated with what's going on with one of my best friends and as of now, I think they're still trying to figure out what to do.

Things are obviously mostly covered. How come I still feel useless? I'm doing all these different things but somehow I still don't think I'm moving forward.

I'm having one of them days.

I feel like I'm useless. I wake up in the morning, I take a shower, go to uni to study, meet up with friends, have a cup of coffee, go to the gym and head back home. On other days, instead of eight hours at uni, I work.

I enjoy my life but I feel like I've been enjoying too much. I don't think I'm taking my life's direction seriously. I still don't even know what I freaking wana do with my freaking life.

Must seriously think life plans.

Yep, I'm broken.

"This is worse than any break ups I've ever had." - Came Muay Boy's text message last night while I was at work.

My thumb poised on reply - "This isn't breaking up. There's no relationship to break from."

"It's not a relationship. It's you."

It's me. I left it at that.

Don't get me wrong, I came to his rescue when Tiana started bitching about him. Saying that he's an asswipe. I had to come to his defense. Because he's not at all like that. Far from it, actually. He's one of the sweetest, smartest, cutest, most considerate guy I've known.

But he's engaged and there's nothing I can do about it.

OK! This stops right now! Enough moanin' and groanin'. Get a life. A real one.

As Dad said, "I know you're heartbrokem, but you will never be beaten."

So yeah, I'm broken. But not beaten.

I got a life

I went out with my friends on Saturday night. Straight after I broke the news to Muay Boy that I can't hang out with him anymore.

Went bar-hopping. Perved on this incredibly cute drummer of a band. Went to another club where B's ex works. They ought to be together but somehow, they just couldn't find the right time to be.

Amber's boyf were there. Have a sneaking suspicion he's using Amber for convenience. Wouldn't be the one to tell her though. Just have this gut feeling that they're bound to break up cos he's being a total ass to her.

B hooked up. With a pilot. Was all kilig about it til Tian made a big deal about how I should be upset cos I saw him first and that B still went for him. I rolled my eyes. Is this high school all over again? It was ridiculous. I think Tian doesn't really like me that much. No love lost there. B's theory was it's because I'm closer to her than Tian is to B. Whatever. I was a bit bummed cos the music wasn't really my thing. Techno puts me to sleep and I didn't even get drunk. Bummer.

When mum asked me how my night went the next morning, I told her it was ok. She saw right through me, though.

"Dahil ba kay *Muay Boy*?"

"No."

"Di mo ko maloloko."

"A bit."

"Ikaw ang umayaw diba?"

"Yep."

"So ano problema?"

"Nothing."

"Mag-aral ka nalang muna ng maigi bago ka mamroblema ng boyfriend."

"I will."

I know she thinks I'm all brokenhearted cos I didn't argue with her whatsoever. I'm just tired of falling for the wrong guys.

I just want to go back to being silly in crush with cute guys at Uni. I don't need drama. I want to go back to perving hot guys at the gym. Flirting with cute guys at bars.

Most especially I would SO want Muay Boy to get out of my life.

New Mantra, New layout.

Kudos to her for changing her layout a month ago, I finally mustered to play around with htmls and got me a new layout. I'm going back to being all cheery and all happy.

I want to be the bouncy Nikki. Way before all these dramas started.

WIth the hope that once I changed my layout. My luck too, will change.

I still don't like putting on taggies and comment box, though. Bear with me, peeps.

Another man out of my life

Telling someone off gives me the shits.

But I had to do it.

While walking Ash to the bustop, I saw him. He was headed towards us.

I was in the middle of inviting Ash out for lunch when he came. He caught the last of our conversation.

Ash: Nah, I can't. Maybe some other time. I'll call you.

Me: Alright. Well, I'll see you.

Muay Boy: What about me? I'm free for lunch.

Ash: Are you guys a couple?

Me: No. He's engaged.

Muay Boy: We used to. But not anymore. We're still very close though. Aren't we? Then putting his arm around me.

Me: Umm.. I think we never were a couple. Looking up and raising my eyebrows.

Muay Boy: Yes we were. We went out a few dates.

Me: But that wasn't couplehood if you know what I mean.

Ash was getting all confused.

Ash: Anyway, I have to go. Nikki, maybe next time? Then walked off.

Muay Boy: So, where are we going?

Me: Oh, I can't. I gotta work.

Muay Boy: But you just asked him to lunch.

Me: Cos I knew that it would just be a quick bite. Whereas we'll take longer to eat lunch cos we'll talk a lot.

I was starving but I wasn't gona go out to lunch with him. Over my dead body. Just then, we saw J approaching us.

J: Care for lunch? I'm freaking starving.

Me: Nah. I gotta work.

Muay Boy: I'll pass.

J: Fine then. J rolled her eyes at us and walked off.

Me: I thought you were hungry? Have lunch with J.

Muay Boy: I can't be bothered. The freaking girl talks too much.

Me: Ok. I'll just go to the toilet and I'll be on my way.

I went to the toilet and called J. I was starving and I was keen to have lunch with her. I told her to wait for me at the carpark near my car. Muay Boy was still there when I got out of the toilet.

Me: Well, I'm off.

Muay Boy: I'll walk you to your car.

Me: No. j is there waiting for me. We're going out for lunch.

Muay Boy: Nikki, what the fuck? What's going on?

Me: I don't think I should hang out with you anymore now that there's another girl in the picture.

Muay Boy: Why? I thought you were my friend.

Me: I am. But you just said it yourself. We were couple. That made you my ex. And you know very well I don't stay friends with my exes. You know how I just cut them right out my life.

Muay Boy: You'd do that even to me?

Me: I just can't be there as a sincere friend. At the moment I'm not out for your best interest.

Muay Boy: So you're saying that you'd walk away from our friendship just cause I'm engaged.

Me: That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm walking away because you are engaged. I'm sorry.

He was silent for a moment. Looking down. Then he looked up. Nodded his head.

Muay Boy: It's all good. None taken. I see you around then.

Me: You don't have to avoid me around Uni. I'm not that big of a bitch.

Muay Boy: No. I'll make it easier for you, don't worry.

Then he walked off. I could've called out. But I didn't. Because I knew it was what I had to do. I'd hate myself if I didn't do it. He's happy now. What the fuck does he still want from me? My dating mantra is to cut men out of my life after the break ups. I kinda made an exception for him cause I feel connected with him somehow. But I just couldn't break my rule for him. Resentment would always resurface and any compassion that I feel will be eaten alive.

When I reached my car, J was looking at me and shaking her head. He already called her.

J: I hope you know that I'll still hang out with him.

Me: Of course. We didn't part on bad terms anyway.

What I love about my friends is that they are all neutral on any situation. That's why I know I'll still hear from him. That bums me out.

On the other, I know I'll always be interested in whatever's going with him.

To someone who shall remain nameless

Yes. I heard.

Yes. All our friends are talking about it.

No. I don't think I should tell you what to do.

Yes. As soon as I logged on I got bombarded with Have-You-Heards.

No. I didnt't say anything to them.

Yes. I listened.

No. I didn't tell them to stop spreading the rumor. It's true after all.

No. I don't think you should worry about that.

Yes. They're out for your best interest. You know how they are.

I'm just wondering what your plans are. It's a shame cos it's her final year. It's a shame cos you just started your new job. It's a shame cos I know you're not ready for such a big responsibility. It's a shame cos you didn't listen to me.

It's a shame.

So what are your plans? You asked me last night what I think you should do. I can't do that for you. You need to sort this out yourself.

I can't help but feel disappointed. I thought you know better. Obviously not.

But whatever, bro. I'll be here.

An ego boost

Fate intervened and decided to give me and B an ego boost.

In a desperate attempt to get Muay Boy out of my mind I agreed to go for dinner with B and two of our other girlfriends. It was Meet-The-New-Boyfriend night for one of our friends. Amber brought him in an attempt to try to get B and her boyfriend to get along. You see, the guy was interested with B but she blew him off and ended up going out with Amber. Nothing dramatic about it. It would be if he's hot. He's not. Tee hee.

Anyway, Amber told us he was nervous to meet with us. Especially with Dimples. What's there to be nervous about? B can be a bitch but she won't bite your head off. We've lasted this long as best friends there's nothing to be nervous about.

He shook our hands but he seems to can't get his eyes off B. I swear. Major uh-oh moment. I wasn't gona say anything cos I know she hates the guy. Plus the fact that Amber is dating him but c'mon. It was pretty obvious. She noticed it too but I think he has a thing for filo girls. He's filo too so I think he'd rather stick with his own kind. Haha. No offence or anything.

We went out to smoke and he started bombarding me with questions.

"Whereabouts do you live?"

"How long have you been here?"

"What do you do for work?"

Whoa. Hang on. T, one of our friends were there too and we're thinking that maybe she has a thing for him. I don't know about these girls, but they seem to think filo guys are hot. Ugh. He's not ugly but he's not hot either, let's just put it that way.

After dinner, we went clubbing at surfers. We played pool. Hurrah! I haven't played pool for so long I've gotten rusty. Two guys approached us. Erin, a girl Amber works with, agreed to play a round of pool with them.

One of the guys started chatting it up with B. And one was chatting it up with me. He started flirting with me, I flirted back. Bad. The touching. The smiling. The winking. I wanted to leave the place with him wanting my number. It worked.

Him and his friend wanted to take me and B out on a date. We let them think that we were keen. We weren't. Come on. Hooking up with a guy on a bar? That's low. I value myself way too much.

I was put off about Erin. She thought the guys came over because of her. When she found out that the guys were interested with us, she grew quiet until one of the guys called her on it. Then when we were on our way to buy drinks at the bar, she started bitching about them. I didn't know what to say. I just met her that night. I was pretty drunk so I thought it was best to just bite my lip and not tell her to shut up.

The night was good. I got my mind off Muay Boy for a good five hours. But this morning, however, it all came rushing back.

No matter how drunk I get, the morning afters are still gona be a bitch.

Excuse me

Excuse me while I drown my sorrows with ice cream, sushi, steak dinners and potato salads.

Excuse me while I throw myself at work.

Excuse me while I find comfort on the four walls of Griffith University.

I can't believe he's engaged.

Excuse me while I blog-sack.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Be back soon.

I've been so distracted with him getting engaged

I distracted myself by flirting with guys.

Not good.

I went to his engagement party last night.

It was a fucking circus.

Everybody was pissed drunk. Even yours truly.

Muay Boy asked J if she could help his fiancee with the speech. J agreed only if the girl won't read it off a piece of paper.

When it was time for her to give the speech, J saw that she was planning to read it off the paper. What an idiot.

J rushed towards her and snatched the paper. In the end, she was left standing on the stage with nothing to say. Muay Boy was beyond embarassed. I was too for him.

It. Was. Not. Good.

It broke my heart when I saw him standing next to her. It was then I realised that I can't stand seeing them together. Ugh.

It was also the reason why I was chugging alcohol the whole night.

By eleven, I could no longer see. But my friends wanted to still go clubbing so I had no choice.

As I was getting my stuff from their house, Muay Boy grabbed my arm and took me aside. He asked me if I'm free to talk.

"Of course. What's up?"

"No, not now. Maybe tomorrow?"

"I'll be at uni the whole day but I can meet you for lunch."

This morning, we met up. I wasn't in my best form. I was hung over trying to finish my essay paper on a Sunday morning.

I thought it was cute that we were both wearing beanies but I scratched that thought right out.

We talked. We talked heaps. How I've been doing. How they met. How he survived the tsunami with her. How they fell in love. How his mum asked him to propose before going back to Queensland.

I was just looking at him waiting to ask him the question that's been bugging me since I found out that he's engaged.

"Is this really what you want? Really?"

He was silent for a moment. He told me that all he wants is to live his life.

Whatever that means.

He asked me if I ever got together with my ex-boyfriend. I said no. I told him what happened. Why we didn't get back together and what went down when I was in Manila.

His reaction was sweet. It made me want to kiss him and ask him to leave his non-english speaking fiancee. But 'course I didn't.

"Honestly, Nikki. You deserve so much more. I can't believe I was wrong. I was so sure you would get back together. That's why I gave way so you and him can be happy and work things out. If I'd known..."

He trailed off. He looked away and didn't finish what he wanted to say.

I didn't want him to finish what he started saying. I'm not ready.

I know what he would've said.

"If I'd known, I wouldn't have backed down."

"If I'd known, we probably would still be together."

"If I'd known, we would probably be so happy."

I don't need any drama right now.

I'm in my pj's and I'm looking forward to a week of comfort feeding and gym slacking.

Happy Mother's Day

You have been a part of my life for the longest time.

My Best Friend.

My confidante.

My soul.

My mentor.

My heart.

You're far too great for me to express my feelings in words.

I love you, Mum.

Info Systems Romance

I'm writing a business report with this guy from my tute. I've known him since last semester but never really thought of him as cute. For me, he's just a typical guy from uni who you get to work with just to pass the course.

Sitting next to each other at the beginning of semester, he turned to me and asked me if I wanted to do the business report with him. I shrugged. Why not? Might as well.

So we've been hanging out together once a week for six weeks to do our business report together.

I remember a month ago when I first started wearing my contacts that he mentioned how cute my contacts were. Me being ditzy and not paying too much attention thought I heard him wrong so I just ignored it. I didn't even say thank you cos it would be embarassing to say thanks when you don't really know what you're saying thank you for.

Anyway, I had a good laugh with B about that.

Yesterday was our last meeting. We finalised everything and finally managed to finish it on time. It took us longer to finish it as we were laughing and just full-on flirting. Whoa. Hold up, Nikki. What's going on?

I don't know what's happening. All I know is that yesterday was fun and refreshing. He's smart and funny and very articulate. But I don't find him attractive. But why couldn't I stop flirting?

We started talking about cars and how girly it is to drive automatic.

We starting joking around about how I just look 18.

I was teasing him how he's so old and still at uni. He's 25 turning 26. But he doesn't seem to mind.

And of course the occasional touching.

I read somewhere that the arm part is the neutral place to touch a person. If it's on the face or thigh, then it gives out a different signal.

He started touching me on my arm. Then started counting my fingers. For some reason we got to talk about nails.

Then my cheek.

The weird thing is, he knew about my obsessive crush on German Guy.

We finished the report but we're still talking over the phone. We're making plans to watching Star Wars III together and making plans to go to dinner.

What is up?

I'm not liking this. I'm not liking this one bit.

Heads Up

Tomorrow's the day. I'll get to see Muay Boy as an engaged person.For some reason, I don't feel anything. It still feels unreal. I can't see that it'll actually happen.

Plus: I think I get to be one of the bridesmaids. Not good.

Not. Good. At. All.

Uh-oh Moment

In the movie Alfie, Jude Law talked about the uh-oh moment. It's basically an incident when you realise that the girl/man of your dreams might not be THE ONE.

I had an uh-oh moment.

Who with?

German Guy.

Seeing him unshaven and unclean sent warning bells to my ears at an alarming level.

His pants was torn on the knee and it wasn't a cool, rugged look. It was more of I'm-So-Poor-I-Can't-Afford-To-Buy-Jeans look. I know he's not poor, so why oh why is he acting like one??

His shirt was wrinkled. Baka-Habulin-Ka-Ng-Plansta wrinkled.

His hair was unwashed. You could tell from the grease. Ugh.

You could barely see his jaw from the beard and moustache. Not a five o'clock shave B is raving about. More like Jack Nicholson in Anger Management.

It was a total nightmare. It's like seeing the love of your life die.

Well, that's what I felt. Now I can't like him anymore. No matter how clean he'll look in the future now, I'll always picture him like one of the contestants of Survivor.

I guess I'm still a fan of clean, shaven and boy-next-dooresque kind of guys.

Engagement Party, anyone?

Muay Boy - Mark, Half Aussie, half Thai. Went out a couple of dates with last year. Narrowly cheated death during the Tsunami disaster in Thailand.

THAT Mark. The Mark. The ever gentleman. I'll-Give-You-Space-For-As-Long-As-You-Need-It Mark. The I-Just-Want-To-Know-The-Deal-Between-Us-Before-I-Go-To-Thailand Mark.

Yep, that Mark.

Is. Engaged.

Mark. Is. Engaged.

And I'm invited to his Engagement Party.

He met his fiance in Thailand. Apparently fell in love.

"That's why he hasn't been in contact with us." J fumed.

That was apparently the reason why he was keeping his distance to us. He didn't want to deal with the questions. He didn't want to "rub it on my nose" that he wasn't able to wait.

I wasn't expecting for him to wait.

I always thought he'll be this typical Aussie guy who would not be ready for a long-term relationship.

Obviously I was wrong. He's keen to get married. He's keen to marry a domesticated wife.

Thankfully, I don't fit the desrciption.

I'm so not domesticated.

Hell, I can't even make my own bed much more take care of another human being.

So I went and told Mum. She was surprised. Who wouldn't be?

She asked me when I plan to get married.

"Probably when I'm in my late twenties."

"Naku, ilan taon na ko pag nag-anak ka kung magpapakasal ka ng 28?"

"Call me selfish but I want to do things for myself first before getting tied down."

"Naisip ko lang kung ikaw naging girlfriend ni Mark, baka ikaw ang ikakasal ngayon at baka next year may apo nako."

Shivers.

Isn't that asking a wee bit too much?

Mark approached me for a favour.

If it'll be alright with me to take his fiance out for drinks when she gets here from Thailand.

"Ha? What?" Imagine me with mouth hanging open and trying not to cry by trying to laugh.

"Yeah, if it's alright with you. Cos she doesn't really know anyone here and it'll be best if at least she'll have a few friends at our engagement party on Saturday. It's her engagement party too."

I'm beginning to hate engagement parties.

J agreed for me. She promised Mark we'll take the girl out for drinks and shoot the breeze for a little while then drop her off at his place.

"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it."

"Great, I'll call you to give you the money for your night out."

I was flabergasted. What the fuck?

"Just had a devious thought. We'll get her to cheat on Mark. We'll hook her up with guys when we go out."

"J, you're an idiot."

"Do you want Mark or not? He's too young. They'll divorce in six months, I tell you."

"I don't want Mark. I don't want to have anything to do with this. It's ridiculous. Can you just go without me?"

"Then Mark'll think you're bitter. But you're not, are you?"

"No, I just can't see why he has to ask me. It's like rubbing it on my nose."

" Because you're his friend. All his mates are blokes. We are the only two girls he's close with. At least do that for him."

"Fine, I'll go. But if she's thin, I'm outta there."

Picking her up at Mark's place, I saw that she was thin.

But I still have the stupid smile on my face. Because I'm still prettier.

I'd love to hate her but she was actually nice. She couldn't speak english that well but we still got along.

J was being a bitch telling her "I'll eat you for breakfast" with an Aussie slang while smiling at her so she thought J was actually complementing her.

It looked fun. But I couldn't do it. Sometimes I'm too nice for my own good.

Darn conscience.

Hello Moto

Finally gave up Liggy for adoption. I love him but his signal is just annoying. Especially at uni so I decided to stick with Nokie til I get me a new baby.

Everyone, welcome Moto.

No matter what I do

My ex still manages to creep into my life.

Without getting in contact with me.

Without caring how he's been doing.

Without any desire to establish communication with him.

But still, he manages to fuck me up again, real bad.

My cousin is in contact with him. Knowing my cousin, she's probably the one who contacted him.

Ka-chat ko si *ex-boyfriend* at Yahoo.

Don't tell me. I'm no longer interested.

Ok, fine.

Thank you.

Nagpunta pala si *ex-boyfriend* sa America.

Good for him. Seriously, don't tell me anything anymore. I'd rather just move on and not think about him.

Every single time I'm hung up on my ex-boyfriends, she does that. What the fuck? Is she out for my best interest or what? I told her I didn't care anymore but still she said it. Obviously, I slightly still do but I can handle not knowing. She just had to do that. It pisses me off. Royally. Fucking hell.

Now I can't stop spewing. Is this some sort of sign that I shouldn't let go? Cause it's really fucking with my brain.

One wish. Just one wish. That's all I want. Can I just please, please be left alone? I don't need any shit right now. I'm happy and please, I want to stay that way.

German Guy never fails to make me smile

I was lining up for coffee when I realised that he was standing in front of me getting coffee as well. Now, I swear I didn't follow him. I just need my caffeine fixture everytime I go on breaks and coincidentally, he feels the same thing.

Anyway, as I was reaching for a plastic spoon, I knocked over the whole dispenser and spoons went flying in different direction. He bent over and helped me pick it up. Classic romantic moment.

But he still didn't talk to me. Waah!

I'm sure of one thing, though. He's a fucking gentleman.

One hell of a day

Five-thirty: Exam Day. Alarm went off. Dragged my ass to the bathroom to shower. Went to Uni to study for the exam.

Six: Was freaking cold. Had to wear my cute beanie to protect them brain cells. Tee hee.

Six-thirty: Found a bench at Uni as library don't open til 10AM on Saturday.

Nine-Thirty: Been engrossed with studying didn't even notice my tummy growl.

Nine-forty five: Went to the vending machine to get something to eat.

Ten: Made a beeline for the quiet study area. Looked at mobile phone. Damn, Only had three and a half hours left.

One-fifteen: Went to the lecture theatre.

One-thirty: Perusal started.

One-Forty: Exam started.

Three-fifteen: Finished.

Three-forty: Went home. Had my late lunch.

Four: Had some shut eye for an hour.

Five: Drove to Work.

Ten-thirty: Drove to B's place.

Eleven: Went to Surfers.

Twelve: Had dinner at Hungry Jack's.

One-thirty: Hung out at Charlie's.

Three-thirty: Dropped B off.

Damn, am I supergirl or what?

Just trying to say Thank You

My mum had a padasal yesterday for her brother. My tito passed last month. I didn't write anything as I found it hard to talk about it. It's not like we’re close. I only got to see him and his family when we got to Ilocos Norte every summer. The last few years had been difficult for him, though. He had a massive heart attack but he didn't die. It's not like we wished for him to die but passing is better than being a vegetable. He couldn't do anything anymore after that. He had to rely on his wife for everything.

Last year, his wife passed. It was even more complicated as no one wanted to take care of him. Not even his kids. Hopeless people. I swear. I hate them. I never really got along with them.

Anyway, after the padasal when Mum was washing dishes, she saw a figure on her left. It disappeared and then appeared again. It was short and chubby. My tito looked a lot like her.

"Kuya kung ikaw man yan, wag mo ko takutin. Gusto ko matapos yung hinuhugasan ko."

The figure disappeared and never again returned.

This morning, Mum told me about it. It scared the life out of me as I got home at three and stayed downstairs for half an hour before crashing to bed. I'm familiar with ghosts every fourteenth of July my grandpa would visit me in a form of a shadow. It's like our annual thing. I know he's not out to get me. He's just saying thank you.

Maybe that's what Tito was doing. Just saying thank you.

Yin Yang

the Balance.

Why is it that every time I'm happy, contented and wouldn't want to change anything in my life, people I care about hit rock bottom?

B was desperate to have someone to talk to last night. She was feeling down. As I was listening to her, I realised I've been really fucked up lately. I guess trying to forget your pain is really the best way to go. I couldn't even offer any words of advice to her. Have I turned into this Ice Cold Bitch? Or maybe my heart died. Or turned to steel. Or on hibernation.

She asked me what she should do. Told her to drop the sleaze bag. I know it's hard for her to do it. I found it hard to drop my own sleaze bag but I did. I know she will too.

She may not know it, but she'll get through this. I know she will.

I'm proud of her already.

Yin Yang Part Two

As I was surfing Friendster, I came across my cousin’s page. His caption in one of his photos was something along the lines of, "You killed my heart. I'm a playah now."

Checked my yahoo, he was online. Clicked on Instant message.

Me: I'm tasting my own medicine and it is fucking bitter. What's up with the freaking caption?

C: Wala lang. Pa-arte. Ayoko na magmahal.

Me: Haha! Patawa. What’s up?

C: Si *ex-girlfriend*. That's fucking what?!

Me: Still?

C: Sadly, yes.

Me: Hay. Move on, dude. You're better off.

C: I know. It's hard. Ayoko na talaga magmahal. Bullshit na pag-ibig.

Me: Don't say that. I know you don't mean it.

C: Eh, ikaw? May pumalit na ba?

Me: You mean crushes? I have a lot of them lately.

C: Hindi. Yung "real thing". May pumalit na ba?

Me: Wala pa. But I'm not looking, though. At least di ko sinasabi na ayoko na magmahal. It'll come for me.

C: Pathetic mo. Hopeless romantic talaga.

Me: Duh. I think my name is Nikki. I'll always be a hopeless romantic. You are bitter.

C: Eh, ikaw. Bitter ka pa ba? Or di na? Parang ang hirap eh. Hirap talaga ako.

Me: Bitter pa. Kasi ayoko siya makita or makausap. Pero I'm trying my damnedest to move on. Besides, I'm really liking someone right now. It's just sad cos he doesn't know. Pathetic nga eh.

C: Eto ba yung German? Yung sinasabi mo?

Me: Yep, hay. Sad ng buhay natin. We have so much love to offer but no one wants to take them. Hehe.. Pero I'm hoping he'll notice me. I really like him.

C: Good for you. Ako, ewan ko. Ewan ko na talaga. Sana andyan na ko. Para makalimutan ko na siya.

Me: Who knows. In a few years' time, we'll get our own place in Melbourne and we'll get laid every weekend. Haha.

C: Manyak ka talaga.

Me: You'll be fine. I'll be fine. We'll be fine. We had our hearts broken at the same time. We'll find love again together. Trust me. You trust me, don't you?

C: Oo naman. Thanks, Nik. I need that. Buti nalang online ako. Salamat talaga. You cheered me up. Sana andito ka. We'll get drunk sana. I'm in the mood to drink.

Me: Hay naku. Oo noh. I'm desperate for alcohol. I haven't drank for ages.

C: Hindi ka na umiinom? Ano nangyari? Pa-girl effect ka nanaman dyan. Tama na kaartehan.

Me: Tanga, I'm trying to study well. I don't smoke either cos it's too expensive. I've changed, bru.

C: Leopards don't change its spots.

Me: Ah, true. But I'm not a leopard. I'm a pig. hee hee.

C: Pigs will always be pink.

Me: They can differ. Ok, I'll be a labrador. You can get a golden one or a black one.

C: Labrador works. You'll be a bitch. haha!

Me: I can feel the love, C. I can feel the love.

C: Kidding. Ano na balita sayo?

And we chatted s'more. It was good.

It was refreshing.

It was totally me and C.